


Billionaire Heiress Series 1: The Evasive Alexandria 'LEXA' Woods

by Rainezeik



Series: Billionaire Heiress [1]
Category: Clexakru - Fandom, The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Clexa, F/F, billionaire heiress series, clexa au, clexakru - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-03-20 07:05:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13712472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainezeik/pseuds/Rainezeik
Summary: Lexa Woods is the daughter of the American steel magnate Gustus Woods. She is the sole heiress of the Woods Industrial Empire. She is known as the 'Evasive Heiress' because of her inactiveness in social media. She rather spends a lot of her time on her own island.Then one day, an accident happened...Even annoyed, Lexa helped the blonde stranger and let her into her home.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work for my Billionaire Heiress Series. 
> 
> I will be writing for my favorite different fandoms as soon as one story is finished. 
> 
> These are the fandoms I am planning to include in this series: 
> 
> Clexa (The 100)  
> Supercorp (Supergirl)  
> Golly (Rookie Blue)
> 
> The list will go on as long as I have an inspiration in writing them.
> 
> So enjoy reading my first ever Billionaire Heiress series. :)

Real Name: Alexandria Woods

Age: 28

Height: 5'5"

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: Green

Nationality: Australian-American

Distinctive Features: Lips

Interests: Spending time on her own island named 'Polis' (which she inherited from her deceased mother), Horseback Riding, Target Shooting, Mixed Martial Arts, Sword fighting

Lexa Woods is the daughter of the American steel magnate Gustus Woods. She is the sole heiress of the Woods Industrial Empire. She is known as the 'Evasive Heiress' because of her inactiveness in social media. She rather spends a lot of her time on her island when she is not on business meetings. She also owns a cruise liner company.

###### 

"I can't wait to see you hon. I'm excited."

Clarke smiled and answered. "Me too." She ended the call and turned to her friends. "I'll be seeing you in two weeks?"

Octavia rolled her eyes. "Are you sure you're going to marry Collins?"

Raven crossed her arms. "And are you sure you really want to live to the other side of the world and be a plain ordinary housewife, Clarke?"

Clarke laughed. "I'm not going to be a plain housewife, Rae. I accepted a job there. Besides, Finn is a good guy. Give him a chance."

"Yeah. Whatever. I hate him for stealing you from us." Raven added.

Clarke shook her head. Her friends haven't warmed up with her fiancé just yet. It will take time, she guessed. She heard her flight announcement from the intercom and turned towards her friends. "I need to go now. I'll see you in two weeks. You're going to love Australia. I promise."

"The only thing I'm looking forward in Australia are the strippers on your bachelorette party which I'm going to plan." Raven patted herself on the back. "Because I'm awesome."

"Hey! Me too. I promised that you would enjoy your last single party Clarke. Who knows, you might change your mind marrying that Finn guy." Octavia winked at her.

Clarke laughed. Her friends say the craziest thing. She made a move to give them a warm embrace. "See you."

Octavia and Raven looked at Clarke with eyes filled with sadness.

Clarke turned to look at them one last time and gave a simple smile. Carrying her bags, she walked towards the check-in area.

New life. New hope. New changes.


	2. The Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fate brought two people with different worlds.

You were out of breath. 

Your heart felt like exploding out of your chest. 

You think about your plans, your future, your family, your friends…

You should have taken the oxygen mask but instead you gave it to the old woman beside you because hers apparently wasn’t working. 

Everyone is shouting, afraid for their lives.

You could hear and feel the entire plane coming down fast.

You close your eyes tightly while you hold the old woman’s hands. 

You could feel that she was scared. 

You could hear her praying.

Everyone is frightened.

But the weirdest part of all this is that… you weren’t afraid. 

And then something hit your head. 

You blacked out. 

* * *

You felt weak, wet and cold. You could hear another person’s voice but it wasn’t clear. You wanted to open your eyes but you can’t. 

And then you felt soft lips pressed against your own. And then you realized that someone was trying to give you a CPR. You wanted to laugh because that is not the way to do a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation but then you ask yourself why would you know that. 

“Come on!” The voice said, clearly frustrated. “Damn it! I don’t want a dead body on my island so wake up!” 

On HER island? You are on an island. How did you get here? 

Finally, you opened your eyes and were met by soulful green eyes. Your face inches from hers. 

“You’re okay! Thank God you’re okay!” She finally said. 

You wanted to speak but you can’t, you were gawking at her. Who is she? She looks like an angel. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked as she pulled away her face from you. Probably because you were staring dumbly at her. “What is your name? Why are you here?” 

Instinctively, you touched the right side of your head. You have an open wound. 

“Oh my god. You’re bleeding.” The green-eyed woman said in an irritated tone. “Now I need to tend those wounds. Great.” She said sarcastically.

You felt offended. It seems like she doesn’t want to genuinely help. What kind of person was she?

Finally, you found your voice. “I don’t need your help.” You said that made her raise her left eyebrow at you. 

“Oh yeah? Then tell me why are you here on my island? Who are you? And how did you get in here?” She asked as she crossed her arms at you. 

“I…” You stopped. “I was here because…” Fuck! You cursed. “My name is…” Shit! You cursed inside your head again. “I don’t remember.” You shook your head. 

The woman exhaled a deep breath in the most annoying way possible. “Great! Just great!” 

You scrunched your eyebrows at her. “I’m sorry if I ruined your vacation.” You told her. 

She looked at you. “I’m not on vacation. I live here. This is my island. There’s no one in here but me.”

You looked curiously at her. How can she live alone in an island? 

“Where am I?” You asked her. 

“You’re here in Polis, a small island in North Pacific Ocean. I own this place.” 

Wow. You thought. You never heard a small island named Polis before. But then you realized you don’t remember anything anyway. “Who are you?” You asked her. 

“I’m Lexa.” 

“Lexa. Nice name.” You told her. You were about to stand up but then you realized that your legs felt like jelly. You can’t move them. You closed your eyes because you felt dizzy. You felt a sudden gush of blood on the right side of your face. 

The last thing you heard was her cursing under her breath before you blacked out. 

* * *

The softness of the mattress made you feel like you’re on your own home. Maybe everything that happened was just a nightmare. Maybe you remember everything now. 

You opened your eyes and once again, you found yourself staring at those green orbs. 

“You’re awake.” She said. “You were out of it for two days.” 

“It had been two days?” It had been two days since she saved you?

She nodded. 

You looked around you. You are in a huge room. “How did I get in here?” 

Lexa (you remember her name although you still don’t remember your own) pulled away her hand from your temple. Apparently she was cleaning your wound. “You fainted near the beach. I brought you here. I carried you.”

“You carried me?” You asked, bewildered. You look down on yourself, you felt conscious and you blushed furiously. Your clothes are wet and ruined. 

“You don’t believe me? I’m stronger than I look, Clarke.” 

You looked at her, shocked. “Is that my name? Clarke? You knew my name?” 

She reached out to you; and you thought she was aiming at your chin. Your heart beats fast and you wondered why. 

“Your necklace.” She said as she touched it. You looked down. “I assumed this is your name. Or it might be your last name. I don’t know. I have a strong feeling that it is your name.” 

She removed her hand and you touched your own necklace. “Clarke.” You repeated. “This might be my name. Thank you.” You looked at her and smiled. “Thank you for taking care of me.” 

You stared at each other and you felt yourself blush. She cleared her throat. 

“If you want to take a shower, the bathroom is just in the corner. There are also clean clothes you could wear.” She said. 

You blushed furiously. You wanted to take a shower. You wanted to feel fresh. But then how can you do that if you can’t move freely. “Uhm…. I would love to but uhm… I don’t think I can.” 

She stared at you blankly. “What do you mean--- what? Oh!” 

You noticed her blush. You were embarrassed yourself. “Can you help me?” You asked. 

You noticed her swallow hard. That shouldn’t be awkward right? You are both girls anyway. 

“Sure. I’ll just prepare a warm bath for you.” She said and then immediately left. 

You were left blushing hard at the thought of her helping you to take a bath. 

What is wrong with you?

* * *

Lexa’s toned arms carried you towards the bathtub. She smelled like flowers and you wished that she wouldn’t notice you smelling her like an insane person. You just couldn’t help it. She smells absolutely amazing. 

“I’m going to put you down now, Clarke. Are you sure you could stand up by yourself so you could remove your clothes?” She asked. 

You nodded. You could feel your toes now. You just hope that you could stand up now otherwise you would need her help. You embarrassed yourself enough. You don’t want to flash your naked body in front of this gorgeous goddess. 

She puts you down slowly. Your hands automatically went onto her shoulders. You were able to stand up on your own.

You stared at each other’s eyes. For a quick moment, your eyes went down on her lips. You noticed her plump lips and for a moment you imagine yourself kissing those lips. But you remind yourself to get your head out of the gutter. 

“Thank you.” You told her. “I think I could handle myself now.” 

Lexa looked at you and nodded. 

When she left the bathroom, you sighed deeply. Her presence does wonders on your whole being. You find yourself asking if you are gay before this amnesia thing happened. 

* * *

The warm bath soothes your aching body. And now that you are alone and not in the presence of your Amazon goddess, you ask yourself what really happened to you. Were you on a plane crash or were you on a shipwreck? And you are lucky that you got out of it alive if those two are the only options of your current state.

Your family might be worried about you. And then you realized you might be married to someone so instinctively, you look at your ring finger. You don’t have rings on either of your hands. You exhaled a deep breath and you wonder why you felt relieved. It just means that you are single and then a thought came to your mind, you shook your head. Lexa might not be interested at you at all. She seems adamant to be alone on her own island anyway. 

A knock on the bathroom door stopped you from your current thoughts. 

“Clarke?” Lexa called. 

“Yeah?” 

“Are you okay in there?” 

“Yes. I am. Thank you.” You replied. 

“I just want to give you clean clothes.” 

“Oh. Thank you. Come in.” 

“Okay.” She entered the bathroom with her eyes planted on the floor. “I’ll just put these here.” She said. 

“Thank you Lexa.” You said, feeling grateful for all the help she did for you. 

“Dinner is ready. If you’re done then you should join me.” She said as she turned away from you. 

“Sure, Lexa. Thank you very much.” 

Lexa nodded then left. 

You appreciate her. You really do. But you wonder how long will she let you stay on her house let alone her private island? 

* * *

You were excited to have dinner with her. You wanted to know more about her so you were severely disappointed when Lexa ate in silence. She didn’t even look at you. You feel that you had already extended your stay. 

And when finally she opened her mouth, the spoken words cut right through your heart. 

“You could stay the night but tomorrow someone will set sail on this island, pick you up and accompany you to the nearest public island.” 

You stopped chewing and looked at her. She looked right back at you. Her eyes were cold as ice. You wondered if you have done something wrong. “Did I do something wrong?” You asked. 

Lexa looked away, she continued to eat her food. 

You waited for her answer. But nothing came. “Is it okay if I stay here for a bit longer? I don’t have any memories, Lexa. You are the only person I know for now.” 

Lexa sighed. “There’s a reason I want to be alone, Clarke.” 

“You are the only person I could trust.” You insisted. 

“Clarke…” 

“I’m not going to bother you or anything. I could even clean your house, cook for you or serve you as a thank you. Just please don’t make me leave.” You begged. You don’t have any memories at all. The only thing that you know is that Lexa saved you. 

“Someone might look for you, Clarke. If you’re here with me, then there is no chance they could’ve find you.” Lexa replied. 

You don’t want to leave. You don’t want to go. If someone were going to look for you, then they would come for you. For now, you feel safe here. “I feel safe here especially without my memories.” You voiced out your thoughts. “I promised to leave as soon as I regain my memories.”

You saw how Lexa’s jaw moved before she agreed. She looked at you and nodded. “I have rules.” She said. 

You smiled at her. “I’ll be happy to oblige.” 

“You can’t work on that state. You have to regain your strength so there’s a good chance you might remember something.” She said. 

You nodded. 

“We’re not friends, Clarke. I value my alone time. So, what I’m saying is you can do what you want but just don’t bother me in any way.” She said harshly. 

You were hurt at those words, but then you decided to show a brave façade at her. “Sure. It would be like I’m not here, Lexa.” 

“Thank you. That’s all.” Lexa stood up. 

“J-just leave it. I’ll clean up after.” You offered. 

Lexa shook her head. “You need to rest, Clarke. I’ll take care of these. If you’re done then you should go up into your room and rest.”

You nodded. With a heavy heart, you stood up and walked away from the dining room. 

Your thoughts were filled with Lexa. And before you closed your eyes and fall on a deep slumber, you promised yourself that you would break Lexa’s wall and make her opened up to you. Obviously, you don’t know her but you feel the need to know more about her.


	3. Lexa's Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction of Lexa Woods...

It had been three months since you came back to your sanctuary. Polis is like your safe haven. All those business meetings were making you exhausted. You always want to be alone. There are only few people you actually trust. You are not good in socializing with other rich people that your father wanted you to befriend with. Your father might be the nicest businessman in the business world but you are the opposite. They named you The Commander because of your uptight and formal attitude. You are cold and stoic.

Especially ever since your mother died.

And Costia.

The two women whom you loved so dearly.

It had been 7 years since your mother died and 5 years since Costia died but it still affects you. You had definitely moved on because you are very good in distracting yourself. But sometimes there are things that even fame and fortune can't buy.

You woke up in an empty house. You love your beach house ever since you were a kid. You love to spend time here with your mother. Even though this is the place where your mother had her last breath, this place is still your sanctuary. Your mother had cancer. She wished to spend her remaining days here with you and your father here on this island. Your father was busy. He wasn't there when your mother died. You were lucky Costia was there for you but you never realized that two years later, Costia would leave you too.

Taking a deep breath, you stood up, took a shower and prepared for your morning run.

Half an hour later, you decided to spend your time sitting on the beach. The sound of waves soothed your soul. You were staring blankly at the lovely ocean when you saw a woman leaning towards a floating wood. Instinctively, you removed your clothes and ran towards the beach to save a stranger.

 

* * *

You carried her towards the shore. Slowly, you put her down on the sand so you could check her pulse. You were relieved when you realized that the woman is alive. You had the chance to look at her serene face; the woman looks like an angel. She is gorgeous. But then you mentally stopped yourself from ogling because you need to focus on the task on hand.

You know that you need to give her a CPR so you positioned her and you lowered your head to give her a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. After that, you start to give her chest compressions.

"Come on! Breathe!" You said as you deliver compressions on her chest. "Please wake up!"

You were sweating damn fast. Two women already died on this island. You don't want to add a third one because you were feeling like a hero today when you jumped into the ocean to rescue a stranger. You were getting really really frustrated because there was no response.

You lowered your head again so you could breathe into the stranger's mouth. The stranger's soft lips lingered on your own. You mentally berated yourself for even thinking about the lips of the beautiful stranger on your island.

"Come on!" You repeated, embarrassed for yourself. "Damn it! I don't want a dead body on my island so wake up!"

The stranger's eyes opened slowly and you found yourself staring at those piercing blue eyes.

 

* * *

Carrying her, you glanced at her calm face. Her breathing is normal. You know that she must have been exhausted. You suspected a shipwreck or a plane crash that brought her into your island. If she was in a plane crash, then what country was she from or where was she heading to? You have a lot of questions inside your mind. But first things first; you need to treat and take care of her for the time being.

As you lay her down, you noticed her necklace. There was an engraved name on it.

Clarke.

You smiled because that is definitely a cute name. You shook your head; this is neither the time nor the place to find a complete stranger cute. No matter how cute she really is.

You laid her down slowly on the bed. You checked for her head wound. It was just superficial so you gathered your medical kit to clean her wound.

After you finished cleaning her wound, you decided to video call your trusted doctor friend. She answered the call after five rings, which was unusual.

"Hey Lexa." She greeted.

"Dr. Stewart." You formally greeted her, which made her roll her eyes.

"To what do I owe this pleasure of being summoned by the billionaire heiress Lexa Woods?" She teased.

It was your turned to roll eyes at her. "You are reading too much magazine, Holly." You commented. Because of that Billionaire Heiress issue of Forbes, everyone you know teased you about it. "Besides you were in it too." You added.

Holly laughed. "Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, do you need something? And where are you? You look… wet."

Unconsciously, you touched your hair. You haven't really dried yourself after saving the blonde stranger. "I have a situation." You started.

Holly furrowed her eyebrows. "What is it?"

"I'm in Polis and I have company."

"That's new." She said. "I mean… you always want to be alone after…"

You sighed. "There's a woman. I think she met an accident or something. I don't know. She doesn't remember who she is. I tried to treat her head wound, it's superficial. But I want to make sure that she is okay. Are you able to come here immediately to check on her? Nyko will only be back here in three days." Nyko is your trusted caretaker when you were not around the island. He stays with his family on a nearby island, which is still actually far from Polis. Once a month, he comes just to check if you need food or supplies.

"Oh. That is… uhm… I c-can't." She stammered. Her eyes were in full panic mode. You know that because you are very observant.

"Is something wrong, Holly? Where are you now?" You asked.

"I'm fine… but I have stuff that needs to… It's complicated." She said.

"Are you okay, Holly?" You asked again.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Anyway, I need you to observe her. Check for other wound sites. Did she faint?"

"Yes. Her vitals are okay. She looked exhausted though." You replied.

"Okay. Just take care of her for now. And when Nyko arrives, you should transport her to the nearby hospital, if there is, from your faraway island." She said. "Seriously, you have a mansion in LA and New York. Why do you choose to stay there?"

"Holly…" You warned. "You know why."

"Okay. I'm not going to say anything but we missed you." Holly said.

You nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Stewart." Before you ended the call, you looked at her sternly. "I feel like you're hiding something. Just please be safe, okay?" You are very observant; something is bothering your friend. You don't know why but you just want her to be safe.

Holly nodded.

 

* * *

Two days later, the blonde stranger joined you for dinner. You were quiet; you don't know what to tell her. As much as you wanted to deny it, you had a quick glance at her body when she was in the bathtub. You were embarrassed at yourself for even thinking like this towards her. Looking at her ocean blue eyes, the cute cleft chin and the mole near her lip; it is positive that you are attracted to her. And you shouldn't.

It feels like you are betraying Costia. You promised her that you would never love another woman and no one could replace her. Although she didn't really approved of that promise because she wanted you to find someone and be happy. But still, you insisted on keeping that promise till her last breath. Costia is your life. And you never realized that someone would come along and grab your attention. You want to be angry at her for coming into your life. But it wasn't really her fault is it? It's not her fault that she lost all of her memories. It seems like you are both trapped in this situation.

You stopped chewing and looked at her. "You could stay the night but tomorrow someone will set sail on this island, pick you up and accompany you to the nearest public island."

She looked right back at you. Her eyes seem to panic for a second. "Did I do something wrong?" she asked and you felt guilty so you looked away. There was silence for a while before she spoke again, "Is it okay if I stay here for a bit longer? I don't have any memories, Lexa. You are the only person I know for now."

You sighed. You and Clarke alone here on this island? It's not a good idea for you. "There's a reason I want to be alone, Clarke." You said sternly.

"You are the only person I could trust." She insisted. You looked at her and you noticed that her eyes are pleading.

"Clarke…" You started but she cuts you off immediately.

"I'm not going to bother you or anything. I could even clean your house, cook for you or serve you as a thank you. Just please don't make me leave." She begged. Looking at the panic look on her face made you realize that of course, she is scared. She doesn't remember a thing. But the logic thing to do is find her family.

"Someone might look for you, Clarke. If you're here with me, then there is no chance they could've find you." You reasoned.

She looked down. "I feel safe here especially without my memories. I promised to leave as soon as I regain my memories."

You clenched your jaw. This is going to be difficult for you. Your attraction to this blonde stranger will make things complicated. You can't fall for her. "I have rules." You told her.

She smiled and you realized that you're a goner for that smile. "I'll be happy to oblige." She said.

You exhaled a deep breath. "You can't work on that state. You have to regain your strength so there's a good chance you might remember something." You told her and you initially hoped that she would remember everything fast because being with her like this is really dangerous for you.

She nodded.

You are angry with yourself for entertaining the attraction you feel for this beautiful stranger so you do what you do best. Keep distance. "We're not friends, Clarke. I value my alone time. So, what I'm saying is you can do what you want but just don't bother me in any way." You said in a harsh tone and looked away immediately. You don't want to see the look on her face.

"Sure. It would be like I'm not here, Lexa."

"Thank you. That's all." You stood up.

"J-just leave it. I'll clean up after." She offered.

You shook her head. "You need to rest, Clarke. I'll take care of these. If you're done then you should go up into your room and rest."

 

* * *

You opened your eyes, feeling angry with yourself. You haven't had any sleep through the night and it was because of the blonde sleeping on the other room besides yours. In the past two days, you took care of her and you kind of miss looking at her sleeping face. You want to get to know her but how? She doesn't even remember a thing.

With a deep exaggerated exhale, you stood up, take a shower so you could have your morning run.

As soon as you finished, you went downstairs and the amazing smell of fresh brewed coffee awoken your senses. Seems like your visitor make herself feel at home. You shook your head, told yourself to ignore her and then goes straight to the front door but you stopped when you heard Clarke called your name.

"Lexa… Good morning." She emerged from the kitchen and was carrying two mugs. Costia's mug. "I made you coffee." She said, smiling at you. She looked absolutely gorgeous in the morning. She was wearing one of the oversized shirts you kindly provided her. She looked so good in it.

"I-I need to run." You told her.

"Oh." She lowered her head. "Enjoy your run, Lexa." She said after a while then she turned around.

"Wait." You stopped her. "You already made me coffee so…"

She turned around with a smile on her face as she gives you the mug.

You wanted to smile at her but you stopped yourself. "Thank you." You said simply.

"No worries." She said, again with a smile on her face. She turned around and you were left watching her go back to the kitchen. Damn it, you cursed yourself.

 

* * *

You run and run and run until you were out of breath. You want to remove Clarke from your thoughts by distracting yourself with exhaustion. But still, your mind goes back to the beautiful blonde stranger making herself at home at your house.

You found yourself staring at the ocean once more, you wanted to tell Costia (wherever she is) that you made a promise to her and you intend to keep it. That you don't want to fall for the amnesia girl you are currently stuck with. That looking at Clarke never made you feel things you shouldn't feel. You want to assure Costia and yourself particularly that there is no such thing as 'love at first sight'. You are not attracted to Clarke in any way.

You. Just. Can't.

* * *

 

Afternoon came and Nyko hasn't come yet. You are planning to tell him about Clarke and if he received any news of a plane crash or shipwreck. But there were no signs of Nyko. You wondered what happened with him. Or maybe the current weather is the answer. It is not safe for Nyko to sail at this current weather anyway.

As soon as you opened the front door, you found Clarke sitting at the corner hugging herself. Immediately, you walked towards her. "Clarke, what happened?" You asked worriedly. She lifted her head to look at you; her eyes brimmed with tears.

"The lightning." She said. "It scared me."

You hugged her immediately. She looked so afraid that you felt the need to protect her. "It's okay. You're okay. I'm here."

"I'm so sorry… I feel like I'm a mess. You don't need me here and I'm just a burden to you." She sobbed.

You shook your head. "No… Don't think like that, Clarke. You are welcome to stay here as long as you like. I will protect you." You promised her and you meant it. From the bottom of your heart, you meant what you just said.

She pulled away slightly. "Thank you, Lexa. Thank you for saving me. For letting me stay here. Thank you for everything." Her face inches away from yours.

You smiled at her and nod your head. You guided her so she could stand up. "What do you want for lunch?" You asked her as you pulled away from her. Your heart beats fast and you were afraid she could hear it. You can't be close like this to her. It's making you insane.

"Actually, I cooked something." She told you. "I was waiting for you to come back."

"You remember cooking?" You asked dumbly.

Clarke laughed and it made your heart skipped a beat. "I just don't know who I am but I think I remember basic cooking."

You chuckled lightly. Did you just chuckle? You barely even smile for years. This woman is really making an impact on you. "Alright. Let me take a shower first."

Clarke smiled at you once again. Her smile could brighten the day of anyone. Then you asked yourself, there is no way that this beautiful ray of sunshine is single.

You clenched your fist, you could feel that your heart is clenching from an unknown pain. It's definitely possible that she would eventually leave you as soon as she regains her memories. You can't be attached with her. You remind yourself that over and over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Holly Stewart from the series Rookie Blue will have her own story when Lexa's story is finished :)


	4. Clarke's Possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's POV

Lexa was quiet again and you wondered why. She was chewing her food in a regal manner and that made you self-conscious on how you chew your own food. You stopped and that made her looked at you. 

“Is there something wrong?” She asked. 

You shook you head abruptly. 

“Clarke?” Her tone seems to demand answers from you but you were to shy to say that you were just observing her; that you were just fascinated about her. “You can tell me anything. Have you remembered something from your past?” 

“No… It’s not about that.” You answered. 

“Then what is it?” 

You cleared your throat. “It’s just… you’re quiet. And sometimes I wonder what you are thinking.” You told her half-lie and half-truth. You are actually pleased with yourself. 

She stared back at you; those soulful green eyes could actually melt you. Seriously, her eyes are her biggest assets aside from her luscious plump lips. And oh my god! Did you just daydream about Lexa’s lips? You just hoped that you didn’t let your eyes linger on her lips because that would be totally embarrassing. 

“I’m not much of a talker.” She replied. “They told me I got it from my father.” 

You nod your head. “Where is he?” 

She shrugged. “Doing business stuff.” She said simply then continued to eat. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that she doesn’t want to talk about or open up about her father. 

You continued to eat and tried so hard not to let your eyes wander towards Lexa and her sophisticated art of eating. 

* * *

The next morning, you woke up late and immediately you took a shower before you go down to the kitchen. Lexa might be there and you don’t want her to see how awful your bed hair was. You want to look beautiful in front of your savior and you sometimes wonder if you are actually attracted to her in a not so platonic way. You actually asked yourself for a couple of nights now if you are actually gay in the past? Because when you look at Lexa, you can’t help but admire her amazing good looks. Or maybe you just know how to appreciate beautiful girls. That’s pretty normal from your perspective. 

As soon as you entered the kitchen, the smell of coffee invaded your senses. You breathed in and smiled when you saw a cute looking mug (different from what you used yesterday) near the coffee maker. Lexa brewed coffee and you want to actually kiss her just to say thank you. Well, you can’t really kiss her because that would be weird for her. But if you are really being honest with yourself, kissing Lexa will not be weird for you. 

Oh my god! 

Maybe you are actually gay. The memory that you had lost probably didn’t lose the attraction you have with your own sex. That much is clear. 

Clarke (WHATEVER-YOUR-LAST-NAME-IS) probably was gay in the past. Because there’s no heterosexual explanation for what you feel when Lexa is near. 

Speaking of Lexa, you wonder where she is? Because the weather is still bad outside and you wished that she wasn’t crazy to go have her morning run. So after you pour coffee in the mug Lexa gave you, you start to look for her. 

“Lexa?” You called. 

The house is really big; you’re not even familiar yet with the other rooms yet. So you continued to walk around and saw stairs towards the basement. Out of curiosity, you went down the stairs and you heard ragged breathing and hitting sounds. 

You stopped with your eyes wide. 

Because Lexa is hitting a punching bag in a wide room full of gym equipment wearing a black sports bra and gym shorts. Lexa hasn’t noticed you yet, she was hitting the bag multiple times and you could actually see the sweat coming out of her amazing toned body. 

A part of you was jealous of her sexy figure but a large part of you wants to worship her body and who knows what you want to do next. That made you blushed hard. If you think you weren’t gay before, then now is the time to actually own your sexuality. You are gay for Lexa. And you are extremely attracted to her, no doubt about that now. 

Lexa was still on her momentum of punches and you felt thirsty just by watching her. So without thinking, you drank your hot coffee and it burned your tongue making you shrieked. “Oh my god!” 

Lexa stopped. “Clarke? What happened?” 

“Hot!” You regained your composure and stared at her, cheeks blushing furiously. Because oh my god! Now that Lexa is walking towards you, she looks so gorgeous and her abs are to die for. Did you just say the word hot while looking at her like she is a piece of meat? Shit! 

“Hot?” Lexa looked at you, eyebrows rising. 

“My coffee!” You blurted out. Your cheeks are actually burning. 

“Oh. Your coffee?” Lexa smiled. “I actually thought you were referring to me?”

“You’re hot too!” You exclaimed. “Wait, what? Oh my god! I didn’t mean it like that. I mean… I… I wasn’t staring at you AT ALL!” You stopped and immediately realized how guilty it sounded like. You could feel your cheeks burning from embarrassment. You want to run away from her. You want to run away from your stupid gay self. 

Lexa laughed. 

Great! Now you looked like an idiot in front of her. Just great! 

You lowered your head and contemplating on how to save yourself of dying from humiliation. 

“Clarke, that’s okay. I’m just teasing you. You should be careful though. That coffee looks really hot.” Lexa said. 

Not as hot as Lexa apparently… You mentally chastised yourself because you can’t seem to get over the fact that Lexa’s abs looks deliciously delectable right now. Seriously, Lexa is like super hot. Sweaty Lexa is a sight to behold and NO, your mind didn’t just go there. You shook your head. Why can’t you function like a normal person in front of Lexa?

“Would you like some coffee?” You asked dumbly. 

Lexa smiled and shook her head. “Thanks but I had mine earlier.” She walked away to get some towel to wipe the sweat off her face and you can’t help but swallow the lump in your throat. You watched her as she lifted the bottled water to her mouth and drank from it. That scene just made you super thirsty. Damn it, you are a gay mess. You need to control yourself from gawking.  
“You really have a nice body.” You said in a calm manner like you were just complimenting her in a normal platonic way. Well you really hoped it sounded that way. “Can you teach me? Can I train with you? If that’s okay.”

Lexa stared at you and you felt like she was melting you with that stare. You tried to act cool. “You want to train with me?” 

“Yeah. Why not? I want to have a body like yours. Mine looks…” 

“Your body is perfect, Clarke.” She said and that made you stop. “I mean… you don’t need to workout because… uhm… you look ho---amazing already. But i-if you want to train with me, I would gladly teach you.” She said and lowered her head. 

Did Lexa just compliment your body? You noticed the blush creeping against her cheeks. Is there a possibility that Lexa might be attracted to you too? Or it was just a wishful thinking on your part?

“Uhm… yeah. I would love for you to teach me, Lexa.” You replied, grinning at her. 

“Okay. Tomorrow you could join me. I could give you new gym outfits I haven’t worn yet if you like.” She said. 

You grinned. “Thank you Lexa.” 

“No problem.” She smiled at you. 

“Are you done or you still have couple of training to do?” You asked her. 

“I’m nearly done. Just a couple more resistance training.” She replied. 

“Sorry for bothering you.” You said. 

“It’s fine, Clarke. I understand that you’re bored.” 

“No, I’m not bored. I just… I was looking for you.” You told her. 

Lexa smiled at you. “I hope I’m not boring you.” 

You shook your head. “You aren’t. As a matter of fact, I was wondering if you would let me watch you while you train? I mean, I can at least observe so I could prepare myself for tomorrow?” You showed her your best puppy look. 

It was effective. 

Lexa smiled at you. “Alright.” 

You spent the entire morning watching Lexa workout while you are being extremely thirsty and gay for her. 

Lexa doing pull-ups will be the death of you. 

* * *

The next morning, you are ready for your training. Lexa gave you five gym outfits and you chose the sexiest one. The Pink sports bra and Victoria Secret leggings. They fit nicely and you sometimes wonder why does she have these new clothes that perfectly fits your body. You and Lexa obviously don’t have the same body figure. 

“Clarke, are you ready?” Lexa asked from outside your door. 

“Yeah, I am.” You walked towards the door and opened it. 

“Wow.” Lexa exclaimed and that made you blush hard. “I’m sorry if I’m being inappropriate. They just fit perfectly.” 

You looked down at yourself. “Yes, they are. Thank you.” 

“Let’s go then.” Lexa said as she hurriedly walks down the stairs. 

You smiled sheepishly. After Lexa’s workout routine yesterday, you spent the entire day watching movies with her. You are actually glad that both of you were spending time together. Lexa was still reserved and evasive but you actually think there’s some progress between the two of you. At the very least, you are bonding with her. And it’s making you happy. 

Sometimes you think that being with her on this island is enough and that you don’t want to go back to your own life. You wonder to yourself if you are just afraid of what your real world looks like or you are actually contented being with Lexa. Whatever it is, you’re just glad that you are alive and you had the chance to meet your savior. 

* * *

After doing cardio, the training begins. Lexa taught you on how to do basic punches like straight punch, hooks and uppercut. She was actually amazed that you picked the moves fast and perfect. 

“I think you’ve done this before.” She commented. 

“Why do you think that?” 

“Your moves. They are actually good. Usually, for beginners; it will take them several training on how to perfect the right punches. You are a natural, Clarke. No wonder you have toned arms too.” Lexa said that made you blush. The compliment you’re getting from her is definitely worth it. 

“You think so?” 

“Yeah. Maybe you remember something from your past while we do this?”

You nodded. “Yup. Maybe.”

“Okay Clarke. We’ll do combinations now. Jab… Cross… Jab… Right Hook… Left Hook…” Lexa said. “Maybe in the succeeding days, we can actually spar.” 

You smirked. You would love to spar with her. “Why not? That would be fun.” 

Lexa chuckled. “I hope you still say that when I beat you multiple times.” 

“Hah!” You laughed. “I didn’t know you are one of those arrogant chick.” 

Lexa laughed, shook her head and smirked. “Let’s do the combination now, shall we?”

* * *

It had been two weeks since you start training with her. And in those two weeks, both of you were spending a lot of time together. You were inseparable and even though Lexa doesn’t talk that much, you are actually satisfied that she let you bond with her. 

Sometimes you just watched movies while Lexa worked on her laptop. There are times that you watched and cooked together. She laughed at your baking skills though. You are terrible in baking cakes and cookies. 

Lexa smiles and laughs a lot right now. You are quite proud of yourself. 

You also have your morning run routine with Lexa. And sometimes you just walked on the shore near the beach. You also noticed how Lexa seems to stare blankly at the beach. You wanted to ask her about it but you are afraid she’s not yet ready to open up with you. You want to know more about her. 

“Clarke…” 

“Huh?” 

“You’re staring. Are you okay?” Lexa asked, concern written all over her face. 

You and Lexa decided to play chess together near the fireplace. The wind is really cold (another sign for bad weather) that Lexa probably want to distract you from being afraid. You appreciate her effort a lot. “I’m fine. I’m thinking of my moves.” You lied. You were thinking of her obviously. 

“Well… my face is not a chessboard Clarke.” She teased. 

“You loved to tease me, aren’t you?” You replied in a teasing manner. 

“I do not.” Lexa looked away. 

You decided to let that pass. You made your move and because you weren’t really thinking, she immediately made her move to capture your queen. 

Your jaw dropped. 

“Alright. Something is clearly bothering you.” Lexa moved the chessboard away. She leaned towards you, her face laced with concern. “Are you okay, Clarke?” 

You blushed hard. Having Lexa within inches apart from you made your heart beat fast. You are afraid she might hear your beating heart so you moved away. 

“I-I’m fine.” You stuttered. 

“Clarke.”

You stared at her. “Is it wrong that I want to know more about you, Lexa?” 

“Huh?” 

You sighed and looked away. “When we were at the beach, your eyes looked sad. I wanted to ask why but I was afraid that you would push me away.” 

Lexa sighed and leaned her back towards the couch. “I inherited this island from my mother. She had cancer and passed away seven years ago. This island is our sanctuary away from the world. She lived her last days on this island and when I’m here, I feel like I’m close to her. To them.” 

You blinked. “Them?” 

She looked at you. “My fiancé passed away two years after my mother died. She met an accident.” 

She? So it means that Lexa is… 

“I’m sorry.” You said sincerely. “I didn’t know.” 

“We spent a lot of time here. That’s why I love this place like I love them. With all my heart.” Lexa finished. 

“I’m sorry.” You told her again. 

Lexa looked at you and smiled, “It’s okay.” You saw tears threatening to fall down from her eyes. 

Without thinking, you moved to hug her. She was unmoving, probably shocked at what you did but you don’t care. You tightened your arms around her and then you were relieved when she hugged you back. “I’m so sorry, Lexa. I promise that I will never leave you.” 

“That’s not true.” She whimpered. “You will leave me too, Clarke.” 

“I won’t. I promise.” You hugged her tightly and for a moment you’re considering to tell her how you feel but you can’t because Lexa feels vulnerable right now and this is not the right time. 

Besides, you aren’t actually quite sure of what you really feel about her. You are attracted to her, that much is true. 

* * *

The next day, you are excited to do your morning routine with her that’s why it made you feel disappointed when you found out Lexa left without you. You sighed deeply in annoyance so you just went directly at the gym to throw your frustrations.

You wonder why Lexa left you. Did you do something wrong or say something wrong last night? After the hug that you shared with her, she excused herself and you let her because you though she might want to be alone. She showed her vulnerable side to you and you felt that you had broken those walls. But now, you regret that decision because you are afraid that Lexa put those walls back up. 

Half an hour later, Lexa came into the gym. She deliberately ignores you and you’re positively sure that you are back where you started.

She hits the heavy bag in full force and you wonder why was she angry at the first place. You walked towards her. “Lexa.” 

She ignored you. 

“Lexa. Are you okay? What is wrong?” 

She stopped then she looked at you unemotionally. “I’m fine, Clarke.” She continued her workout. 

“Did I do something wrong last night?” You asked her. 

“No.” Punch. 

“Did I say something wrong?” You asked her again. 

“No.” Another punch. 

“Is it because I hugged you? Are you not comfortable with that?” 

She stopped and looked at you. “No Clarke. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“Then why are you ignoring me?” Your voice trembled a little. “I thought we’re friends.” 

“We can’t be friends.” She said sternly. 

“But I thought…” 

She cuts you off by pulling you closer by your shoulder and capturing your lips with her own. Your eyes went wide for a while as you consider what was going on. 

Lexa is kissing you. 

Lexa is KISSING you. 

LEXA IS KISSING YOU!!!

Before she could pull away, you put your right hand around her nape as you angled your head. You opened your mouth to deepen the kiss that shocked you earlier. You heart is beating so fast. You shivered at the intensity of the kiss. Lexa was wearing her gloves earlier and then you heard those gloves thrown down to the floor. You felt Lexa’s hands on your hair and at the back of your neck. That excites you more. Your hands seem to have a mind on their own as they grip on Lexa’s hip as you pulled her flushed against your body. 

When breathing became difficult for the both of you, Lexa pulled away breathing hard. You already missed her touch. Her lips are swollen from the passionate kiss you shared with her. It made your cheeks flushed. 

She stared at you with equal intensity and said firmly, “I’m sorry. This cannot happen again.” And then she walked out of the room.

You were left wondering what happened.


	5. Lexa's Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's POV

Your mother taught you many things. She raised you to be a good person. She wanted you to always do the right thing. You are an heiress and you absolutely can get everything you want but being an heiress means different when your mother explained it to you when you were a little child. Being one of the richest family in the whole world means that you have the responsibility to your employees and their families. Being an heiress is a privilege but being a Woods Heiress is a responsibility. So you were raised right and you will do what is necessary.

Approximately two weeks ago before you and Clarke spent a lot of time together, you made a very important call. You asked your most trusted advisor Anya to look for information regarding the blonde stranger living in your island. You gave Clarke's name and physical features to Anya. You told her how she arrived at your island with no memories of the past. You want Anya to look for Clarke's family and report everything to you as soon as she gets more information. You will tell Clarke about this once Anya updated you with news regarding Clarke's past.

Your mother taught you a lot of things and this is why you're doing this. You can't live with Clarke based on a lie, based on a forgotten past. You know that this is what's best for Clarke's condition.

But then you KISSED her a moment ago. And everything goes downhill.

You let yourself feel something for her. You let yourself be close to her in two weeks. She made you feel something again. And this will just end badly, you know that for sure.

Being with Clarke made you smile. Being with her made you comfortable in a sense that it is alarming especially for you. It had been years since you let yourself feel for someone. And being with Clarke is an absolute danger for your heart. You can't be with her. Clarke is only a temporary companion for you here in this island. One day, she will leave you and that will break your heart into pieces. AGAIN.

But why let yourself kiss her? Why did you give into temptation of tasting those luscious lips?

You ruined everything.

* * *

It had taken a lot of effort for you to avoid Clarke at all costs. Yesterday was easy because you're pretty sure that Clarke avoided you too after that intense kiss. But today, Clarke seems like in every corner of your house. You even sacrificed your morning coffee just to avoid her in the kitchen.

You went straight to your morning run but then when you enter the front door, Clarke was in the living room pacing around. She raised her head and your eyes briefly met before you continued to walk upstairs in your room.

She didn't let you though.

"How long are you planning to avoid me, Lexa?"

You stopped.

"You kissed me then ran away and then you're avoiding me now?"

You swallowed hard, clenched your jaw and then turned to face her. "I'm not avoiding you." You lied.

"Wow. Lying to my face now?" She crossed her arms. "Tell me, Lexa. Why did you kiss me?"

"Does it matter?" You raised your eyebrow at her. "It's just a kiss, Clarke." You looked at her defiantly. You hate confrontations like this. You hate being caught with your deeper feelings. And you need to tell Clarke to just let this go. "It won't happen again."

"Just a kiss? So, it's just a kiss." She narrowed her eyes at you.

"Yes. You were there being annoying and I just did it. I'm sorry." You told her.

Clarke took a deep breath. "And now I'm the one being annoying." She rolled her eyes at you.

You sighed deeply. "Look, I'm really sorry Cl….."

You haven't finished your sentence yet because Clarke's lips already covered your own. It made your knees weaken. You both stumbled against the wall but Clarke didn't pull away, instead she deepened the kiss. She angled her head so she could have a better access making your mouth opened. Wasting no time, she entered your mouth with her tongue. You moaned and gripped her waist tightly. You replied with intensity. It made your heart beat fast.

She pulled away, leaving you absolutely breathless. "Now tell me… Is that JUST a kiss, Lexa?"

You were breathing so hard you couldn't even reply at what she said. Your heart is beating so fast, you haven't felt this way even with Costia. This is very new to you. "Clarke…" You breathed. "This is not a game." You told her firmly. "We c-can't…"

"Why?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I c-can't… Do you understand me? I just can't." You emphasized.

"Because I'm a lost woman, is that it? I might be a killer or an assassin or even a thief in the past and you can't handle that?"

"Clarke…" You tried to explain that it's not because of that but she cuts you off immediately.

"It's fine, Lexa. I understand." She lowered her head. "I'm sorry too." Clarke walked away from you.

You sighed. Maybe it's for the better.

* * *

Three days had past since you and Clarke had that conversation. You continued your morning routine as if everything was just restarted from the start. You and Clarke haven't avoided each other inside the house but you aren't talking with each other either. Clarke cooked lunch but she wasn't joining you when you eat yours. She only left a note saying that she cooked for the both of you. In response, you cook dinner, eat alone and write a note for her too. For three agonizing days, these are your routine and you really missed her a lot but you can't be close to her again. It will just end up with you having your heart broken when it's time for her to live and go back to her life.

You tried to spend your time in your office looking over business plans and giving emails to your assistant. There will be an executive meeting again in six months with your board of directors. You are actually looking forward to that even though before you hated them.

The sun is up so you decided to go outside, bring your book and sit near the pool. You have a private pool near your house. You spent a lot of time there before when Costia was alive. You changed into your swimsuit so when you get bored of reading, you might as well swim.

Half an hour later, you are in the middle of reading chapter 5 when Clarke emerged from the side door. Instinctively, you look at her and your eyes went wide at Clarke's blue two-piece bikini. You remembered giving those new bikinis before because you thought she would like to swim someday and now she used them at this exact moment. You literally want the earth to swallow you whole because oh my god! That bikini should be illegal.

The culprit bikini is a little small for Clarke so her breasts are screaming to get out of that piece of clothing. You swallowed hard and looked away. You wished that she hadn't seen you ogling her breasts.

"I hope it's okay if I swim here." She said with that raspy voice of hers.

Your eyes were still glued at your book when you replied, "Sure."

You tried so hard to focus on what's remaining of Chapter 5 of your book but Clarke made it difficult for you.

Damn that swimsuit!

* * *

You really tried so hard to focus. You really do. But Clarke is like torturing you by doing nothing. Literally nothing.

She was just at the corner of the pool facing towards you and you tried so hard to read but then you can't help but look at her.

Your eyes met and immediately you looked away.

"Why don't you join me, Lexa?" She asked, raising her voice.

"I'm still reading." You replied. There is no way in hell you will join her in the pool. It's like breaking How to Avoid Temptation Number One.

"Aren't you tired of avoiding me?" She swam across the pool so she could be near where you sit. It's inhumane of her to torture you like this.

"I'm not avoiding you, Clarke." You replied.

"Liar." She rolled her eyes.

You looked at her.

She sighed. "Look, can we atleast pretend to be normal? I'm sorry if my presence makes you uncomfortable but I can leave if only I have the means. I don't want to be like this. I feel like an intruder to your solitary life."

You put down the book you weren't really reading ever since she came out in that tiny bikini of hers. "I'm sorry if I make you feel like an intruder. But you are welcome to stay here while you recover your memories. You are safe here, Clarke."

"Thank you. I appreciate everything you did for me. But I don't want to make you miserable at your own home." She climbed out of the pool and you literally stop breathing. She went to get her towel, covered herself and walked inside the house leaving you. You want to punch yourself for making Clarke sad and guilty.

* * *

The next day, Nyko arrived. He apologized for arriving late because of the bad weather and then when the weather was finally okay, his son was sick so he had to postpone coming into your island. You told Nyko there's nothing to apologize for. That's fine with you. He brought a lot of groceries and supplies, and he was about to start cleaning when he noticed that the house wasn't really that dusty.

Clarke arrived at the exact moment.

"Oh hi."

Nyko's eyes went wide. He was probably shocked that you have a visitor on the island.

"Clarke, this is Nyko. He lives at a nearby island, he is the caretaker of this island when I'm not here. He brings groceries and supplies once a month." You turned towards Nyko. "This is Clarke. She is my guest."

Nyko smiled widely. "It's my honor to meet you, Clarke."

You rolled your eyes at Nyko's obvious implications. He must have thought that Clarke is your girlfriend.

"It had been so long since I saw someone spending time here other than Heda Lexa-"

"Nyko." You cut him off.

He just smiled at you like you were a little child.

"Heda?" Clarke asked, curiously.

"Heda means Commander. It's what we used to call Lexa."

Clarke nods and smiled.

Nyko smiled at Clarke and you want to tear him away from the blonde before he could say something. "Nyko, I need to speak with you for a moment."

Nyko nodded and followed you to your office.

* * *

Nyko just left minutes ago to work outside when Clarke entered your office.

"Lexa."

You lifted your eyes so you could meet hers. "Yes, Clarke?"

"When will Nyko leave?" She asked.

"Early in the morning tomorrow." You replied.

"I want to come with him." She said softly.

That made your heart stopped. Clarke wants to leave and even if you don't want her to leave just yet, you can't say no.

You nodded. "If that's your decision. I will tell Nyko."

Clarke puts both of her fists on your table making you startled. "I don't want to leave you but my presence seems to make you miserable."

"I'm not miserable." You replied but it lacked confidence making Clarke roll her eyes.

"Yes, you are. I made you uncomfortable in your own home, Lexa. You saved my life and this is how I repay you. I don't want to do this to you anymore. That's why I'm leaving."

"Clarke…"

"I know it was not JUST a kiss for us. I felt something and I know you felt it too. I just wished you would have take a risk with me." She said softly, tears brimmed in her eyes. "Goodbye Lexa. Thank you for everything." With that, she turned away from you and walked away.

You felt your heart breaking into pieces.

* * *

Sleep evaded you the whole night. Clarke's words rang into your ears. She felt the same way too and you wished you had the courage to take the risk. The risk of letting your heart be broken when Clarke regain her memories.

You checked your email earlier after Clarke left. Anya hadn't updated you yet. There are still no news about Clarke's past and family.

You wondered if this is fate's way to meet your destiny. You wondered if taking a risk to be with Clarke is worth getting your heart broken in the process.

* * *

You woke up early.

Well technically, you haven't really slept so you went into the kitchen to have your coffee. You were staring blankly outside the window when you heard Clarke coming down from the stairs. And a part of you really wished that she had changed her mind of going.

"Good morning." You greeted her.

She nodded. "I just want to say thank you Lexa. For everything."

You smiled simply. "When do you leave?"

"Soon. I'm just waiting for Nyko."

"Where is your stuff?" You asked.

Clarke chuckled bitterly. "I don't have any stuff with me, Lexa. This is me in my old clothes when you found me."

"You could have brought the things that I gave you, Clarke." You told her. "That's all yours."

Clarke shook her head. "I'm fine with this. Thanks anyway." She turned away.

"Clarke…" You called her. "You know you can stay here right? I'm not forcing you to leave."

She turned to face you. "I know."

"What will you do out there?" You asked her.

"I don't know. All I know is… I know what I want." She said then stared deeply into your eyes. "Do you?"

That left you speechless.

"Goodbye Lexa."

* * *

Nyko told you that they would leave at exactly 8:00 in the morning. He also gave you a last piece of advice. "Heda, I don't know what happened to you and Clarke but I think there's a reason you met each other. We will be leaving at 8:00." He told you.

You let out your frustrations on the heavy bag. You pushed yourself to the limit. You want to forget everything about Clarke. You want to forget your stupid feelings.

But you can't…

Clarke already opened your heart. Her blonde hair and blue eyes are all you think about. Clarke is whom your heart's desire.

You glanced at the clock of the gym. It's 7:45.

Clenching your fist, you made the crazy decision of all…

The risk you decided to take…

You ran at full speed…

* * *

"Clarke!"

"Clarke!"

"Clarke!"

You were breathing heavy but you still screamed at the top of your lungs. Nyko was helping Clarke climb aboard the yacht. But then he noticed you and smiled widely. In mere seconds, Clarke turned her head and you smiled.

"Clarke!" You called her again.

She walked towards you. "Lexa…"

Catching your breath, you hold her wrist. "Don't leave."

"Why?" She asked.

"The risk." You inhaled deeply. "I'm willing to take the risk."

Clarke smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"You ran?"

"So I could still catch you and Nyko." You smiled sheepishly.

"You're lucky you're cute." She said as she leaned towards you. Your hands encircled her waist.

At the corner of your eye, Nyko waved at you and began to set sail.

And then Clarke kissed you deeply and passionately.

You thought that this is worth the risk. Clarke is worth the risk.


	6. Clarke's Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's POV

Kissing Lexa felt like home…

If you have any doubts about your feelings for Lexa, then all of these doubts were explicitly removed from your thoughts.

Lexa is your home.

Lexa makes your heart beat fast.

Lexa feels like a rainbow after the heavy rain.

You don’t even know why you feel this way. It makes you more curious about your past. Who are you really?

Lexa pulled you against her flushed body and you felt a wave of arousal on your core. She lifted you off the ground and your legs wrapped around her torso

She kissed your neck as she walked while carrying you. You moved your head to give her a good access on your neck. You opened your eyes and looked at the sky above you. Biting your lips, you almost screamed in ecstasy when Lexa decided that it is time to mark your skin. Your hold above her shoulders tightens.

“Lexa…” You breathed. Closing your eyes again, you moved to capture her lips once again. “Please.” You murmured against her lips.

She pulled away and nodded at your request. The walk towards Lexa’s beach house is a little far from the shore. You don’t think you can make it because you are so hot for her. You want her to take you right here, right now.

She lets your feet touch the ground. You looked at her questioningly. She kissed you on your forehead. “I want to take you to bed. Not here.” She said huskily.

Unconsciously, you wet your lips. You nodded and then she held your hand and both of you walk towards the beach house without a word. Your heart beats triple fast in anticipation.

You want Lexa.

You want all of her.

You want her inside of you.

You want her to mark you as hers.

* * *

 

Lexa opened the door of the beach house. You looked at her and you noticed that she was as nervous as you. She couldn’t even look at you. And then you felt scared that she changed her mind about you.

“Lexa? Are you having second thoughts?” You asked boldly.

Lexa looked at you. Her lips pouted. You want to kiss those lips again so badly. “I’m not having second thoughts Clarke.”

You walked towards her and caressed her cheek. “I want you, Lexa. I want all of you.”

Lexa nodded.

“But if you’re not ready to do this…”

She cuts you off. “It had been a while, Clarke. I guess I just want to satisfy you in any way I can. I don’t want you to think I’m a sloppy lover.”

You sighed at her. “Lexa… you don’t need to worry about that. I want you. That is enough for me.”

Lexa nodded again. “I need to take a shower first. I don’t want to be sweaty and----“

You noticed that Lexa was probably in the middle of her workout when she decided to run after you. Lexa working out is enough to make your senses tingle. So you grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her. She grabbed your waist and you lifted your legs so she could carry you.

You mumbled against her lips. “Take me to bed, Lexa.”

Seems like that was the only signal she needs to, for her to move. She shifted you and carried you bridal style. You were amazed by her strength. It just makes you more excited and hot.

Lexa kissed you passionately on the way to her bedroom. She opened her door with ease and dropped you on the middle of her king-sized bed. You reached out on her tank top so you could remove the annoying barrier from her.

After that, she removed her sports bra and you helped her off her sweatpants. You stopped and let your eyes feast on her glorious body because Lexa is half naked in front of you and you just want to devour her.

“You’re so beautiful.” You told her.

She wet her lips and moved. She hovered on top of you and she removed your top slowly and then your shorts followed. You were both half naked as she stared at you with those green eyes of hers.

“You’re gorgeous, Clarke.” She whispered.

You let your hands linger on her sides and then on her abs. “Lexa…”

“Hmmmm?”

“Please… make me yours...” You whispered huskily.

“Yes Clarke. You’re mine now. Only mine.” She murmured before she captured your lips in an open-mouthed kiss. You replied with fervor. You grabbed the back of her head and her waist so she could put her entire weight on top of you. You want her close. You want her entire body flushed against you.

Her right leg is between yours and you could feel that your panties are already soaked. You want to die of embarrassment because of how fast Lexa makes you wet. But you don’t have time to think about that when Lexa grinded her legs against yours. You moaned. Hard.

“Fuck.” You cursed and opened your eyes. Your eyes met hers. She smirked at you. She knew how wet you are for her. Your cheeks probably reddened like tomato because she caressed your cheeks adoringly.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Clarke.” Looking deeply into your eyes, she trailed her fingers from your neck down towards your arms then on your thighs. You gasped when you felt her hands cupped your soaking center right against your panties.

Shit. You cursed internally. You bucked your hips towards her hand as you closed your eyes.

“Look at me, Clarke.” She whispered.

You look at her and swallowed hard at the intensity of her eyes. Slowly, you felt her fingers inside your panties. You moaned again as you felt her finger swiped your soaking core.

“Beautiful.” She said, closing her eyes.

“Lexa…” You breathed.

She opened her eyes and stared at you again. She lowered her head to kiss your lips. You kissed her back hungrily while your hands scratched her back. You bucked your hips once again as she moved her fingers around your center. You felt it’s not enough so you spread your legs wide open for her to have a great access. You knew how long her fingers were. But feeling them inside you made you gasped.

Lexa pulled away so she could stare at your eyes again. You bit your lips as you tried to fight the moan coming out from you. She moved her finger inside of you and you synchronized your hip bucking movements against her long slender fingers.

Oh shit! You cursed internally as you felt two fingers inside you.

“Clarke.” She breathed as you stared at each other.

“Lexa…” You replied. “Please.” You begged.

“I want to taste you.” She said huskily as she wet her lips.

Swallowing hard, you nodded.

That was the signal she was obviously seeking because as soon as you nod your head in complete abandon, she moved downwards and remove your panties in an instant. Without further ado, she dived into your soaking wet center.

You whimpered and moaned when you felt her wet, slimy tongue on your hole.

Her lips. Her goddamned lips were all over your core and you felt the need to grab something to hold yourself. You grabbed the sheets but it wasn’t enough. You bucked your hips against her mouth and your left hand grabbed her hair pulling her much deeply onto your center. She moaned and it vibrated from your core into your whole body.

“Fuck!” You screamed and moaned when she grabbed your ass so her tongue could delve deeply into your hole. She was fucking you with her tongue and that continuous movement made you tremble and shiver as you reached your orgasm. “Lexa! Oh my god! LEXAAAA!”

It was earth shattering.

Lexa rocked your world.

Her eyes never left yours as she cleaned your cum using her mouth when you felt a sudden jolt again. It turns out that looking at Lexa wiping you clean made you wet again. You bucked your hips and she understood. She gladly tongue-fucked you again then sucked on your clit and that made you screamed in ecstasy.

* * *

 

You woke up feeling satiated. Lexa’s right arm was settled comfortably on your stomach and you smiled happily. You spent the whole day yesterday rocking each other’s world. The only time you left Lexa’s room was when you felt the need to eat something other than Lexa. You need sustenance. Lexa’s stamina was glorious. And you loved it.

You looked at her back tattoo. It’s definitely sexy as hell. You had the chance to look at it more closely and then you saw something small written on the side of it.

_Costia. Love of my life._

You breathed as you felt the pain of jealousy creeping towards you. You mentally cursed yourself for feeling this way. Costia is gone. You can’t be jealous over her. Lexa’s past is her past.

You wished that you were her future now.

Lexa moved and lifted her head. “Good morning, Clarke.” She whispered hoarsely. “Did you sleep well?”

You smiled and looked at her. Yeah. You are Lexa’s present and future. “Yes. Have you?”

She smiled cheekily. “I’m a bit sore but I feel amazing.”

You wet your lips. “You are insatiable.” You told her.

She grinned. “And you like it.”

“Yeah. Very.” You nodded.

“So do you want me to cook you breakfast or…”

You laughed at her innuendo. “Let’s cook breakfast.” You told her.

“Are you sure because…”

You laughed again. “We have all the time in the world for that. But first, we need to nourish ourselves.”

Lexa smiled. “You have to train with me again. You need to cope up with me, Clarke.” She teased.

You feigned hurt. “Oh my god, Lexa. I think I did fine yesterday. Haven’t I?”

She chuckled. “Yeah yeah. You are insatiable too.” She stood up and you were instantly mesmerized at her amazing toned body. She looked at you and saw that you were gawking at her body. “Are you sure that…”

You didn’t let her finished as you pulled her towards the bed so you could have your way with her.

Food and Nourishment be damned. You want Lexa for breakfast!

* * *

 

After hours of passionate sex, you and Lexa finally decided to come down to have proper food. Lexa volunteered to cook breakfast while you watched her with her apron on.

“We haven’t really talked.” You started. You need to distract yourself from staring like a lovesick puppy towards Lexa.

“What do you want to talk about?” She asked as she continued slicing ingredients.

“You decided to take the risk.”

Lexa looked at you and smiled. “Yes, I have.”

“What made you decide it?” You asked her. You are obviously fishing for information and you hoped that she wouldn’t notice it.

“I can’t bear to watch you leave.” She replied.

You nodded. You were kind of disappointed at her answer because you obviously wanted a direct answer wherein she will tell you that she has feelings for you. Because on your side, you have definitely feelings for her.

You are falling in love with Lexa.

You want to know if she is falling for you too.

But you don’t want to rush her. You want her to take her time.

“Why did you stay?” She asked you.

That made you stopped. Is this the right time to confess your feelings for Lexa or not? You decided to play safe. “I don’t want to leave in the first place.”

Lexa nodded. “Am I really worth the risk?” She asked.

You looked at her and smiled. “You are more than worth it, Lexa.”

Lexa smiled at you and it made your heart hammered inside your chest.

You’re in love with her. That much is true.

* * *

 


	7. Lexa's Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's point of view...

Clarke looks at you like you are the most wonderful woman on the planet. It makes you feel giddy. Clarke makes you feel alive and that thought really scares the hell out of you.

You mentally scolded yourself once again. You are being ridiculous. You promised Clarke that you wouldn’t allow yourself to have negative thoughts. You and Clarke met for a reason. Clarke is here. She is with you and that’s all that matters.

“LEXAAA!” Clarke squealed.

You furrowed your eyebrows at her. “What happened?” You asked as you approached her.

“Don’t move! Oh my god! Lexa! Don’t move!” She screamed again.

“What are you talking about?” You asked her.

“S-Snake!” She was trembling and you felt the need to protect her. Slowly, you walked towards her.

It had been two days since you made the right decision to take the risk with Clarke. You spent a lot of time with her on your room and outside. Today, you asked her to join you for trekking on the forest area of your island.

You found yourself staring at the smallest snake you have seen on your island. The snake was currently sleeping and if Clarke continues her hysterics, she could really wake the snake that currently rests on a tree branch.

“It’s okay, Clarke.” You pulled her and she immediately hugged you. “Let’s go back home okay?”

“I’m scared Lexa.”

You carried her bridal style. She let you. “It’s okay Clarke. You’re safe with me.” You started to walk back. Clarke’s arms are still wrapped around your neck. Her eyes were closed. “Are you okay? We’re near the house now.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just afraid of snakes.” She whimpers.

“I will definitely remember that.” You told her. She opened her eyes and stared back at you.

“You’re my hero.” She grinned. She caressed your cheek using the back of her hand. You smiled at her. “Please don’t make me walk into that forest ever again.” She smiled.

You kissed her forehead. “Yes Clarke. Your wish is my command.”

She narrowed her eyes at you. “That’s cheesy.”

You laughed hard. “I know.”

She laughed with you too. The walk towards the house was filled with laughter and teasing. You enjoyed every single moment of it.

* * *

 

Life on this island was a thousand times better with Clarke. It was simple and lovely. You could actually trade your glamorous life as a Woods Heiress just to be with Clarke 24/7.

You are in love with Clarke, no doubt. She is your life now. She completes you. You want her to be with you for the rest of your life.

She might be slightly terrible at cooking. You don’t want to tell her that. You appreciate it when she cooks for you. Once she made this awful vegetable soup but you ate it like it was the most delicious mouthwatering you have ever tasted. The look on her face was worth it when it was her turn to taste it. Blushing, she immediately removed the awful soup from your table. She apologized for it but you told her it was good. She didn’t believe you though.

For you, Clarke is the perfect girl. Her imperfections just make her perfect in your eyes. God, you love her so much it hurts.

You were sitting on the couch when she asked something you really wished she hadn’t. It was about Costia. You don’t want to talk about Costia because if you’re being honest with yourself, you haven’t thought about your dead fiancée for some time now.

“Do you miss her?” She asked.

You looked at her. She wasn’t looking at you, her head was down.

“Clarke?”

“I-I just want to know more about her if you’re ready?” She replied softly.

You don’t know what to say. “Why do you want to know about her?” You asked in a soft tone. You are curious why she wanted to know about Costia.

She looked at you with those deep ocean blue eyes that you love the most. “You have a past that you can talk about with me. I don’t know anything about myself. Because of that, I want to know more about you Lexa. I want to know why do you isolate yourself here?”

A particular sentence caught your attention. “Are you sad that you don’t know anything about yourself?”

Clarke sighed. “I just want us to know each other more. I want to tell you something about me but I don’t know anything about me. I am lucky that you took a risk with me. You don’t even know me.”

You leaned into her and pressed your lips against hers. It was just a chaste kiss but you felt butterflies fluttering inside your stomach. “I can help you find your family, Clarke. We can leave this place and look for your family.” You told her.

She shook her head and you were quite surprised about that. “I want to know about my past but I don’t want to leave this place. I don’t know but I feel like it’s my personal sanctuary too. I don’t know what happened with my past but if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want to go back whatever my life was.” She caressed your cheeks and then continued, “I dreamt of running away from people who are probably from my past. I haven’t seen their faces but in my dreams, I don’t want to leave here. I don’t want to leave you.”

“Clarke.”

“I don’t want to leave you Lexa. I don’t want to leave Polis.”

“I don’t want you to leave either.” You told her as you tried to control your tears. You don’t want to cry in front of her. You want to be strong for her.

She smiled at you, and you realize that you need to answer her question about Costia. You owe her that at least.

You cleared your throat and looked away. “I loved Costia with all my heart. I missed her that’s why I prefer staying here. But…” You looked at her. “I haven’t really thought about her when I’m with you. Costia wanted me to move on. She would have wanted me to live my life without her. I guess she is happy now. Because I am too.”

Clarke smiled. “You’re happy… with me?”

You laughed and pinched her cheeks. “Am I not obvious? You make me laugh, Clarke. You make me want to live again.”

She hugged you and you wrapped your arms around her. “Thank you Lexa. Thank you for saving me. And I’m happy that I met you.” She whispered against your ear.

You kissed the side of her hair. “Me too, Clarke… Me too.”

She pulled away for a second but then she moved to sit on your lap. You were staring at each other in an intense manner. You felt hot all over. Slowly, she removed her tank top and your hands automatically went on her waist.

You wet your lips in anticipation.

She leaned down to kiss you and you replied with equal fervor. Clarke is too hot for words. Her body is perfect against yours. In one swift move, you changed your position so she could lie on top of the couch. You want to taste every inch of her body and every time you do that, it feels like it’s always the first time. You’re never going to get tired of tasting her.

She loves it when you worship her body.

You love that you are her world.

And you are definitely falling in love with her.

She is also your world.

* * *

 

You and Clarke never talked about your past and her loss of memory after the conversation you had with her a week ago. Instead, you spent a lot of your time together doing new things with her. Going to the beach is your favorite thing to do with Clarke. She looked so stunningly sexy wearing the skimpiest bikini you had provided her.

“Are you just going to gawk in there or join me, Lexa?” She teased you. You laughed at her. She loved teasing you especially when you told her how that bikini invaded your senses when she first wore it.

“You are so sexy.” You told her.

She smirked at you. “Have you seen you?” She teased. “You are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.”

You smiled and blushed. You ignored the fact that you are the only woman she sees and remembers. You don’t want to ruin your moment with her.

You joined her. “I beg to differ Clarke. You are a goddess.” You whispered as you pull her against you.

She laughed tilting her head up. “You always say the right words. I can’t compete with you.” She replied and kissed your lips.

“I always win Clarke. I always win especially now you’re with me.”

“When did you turn into a sap?” She grinned. You feigned hurt but she just kissed you on your lips again. “I like it.” She added.

You spent the rest of the day swimming with her.

Everything was perfect.

* * *

 

Until it’s not.

All good things come to an end.

Clarke is cooking dinner when you received an important call.

It was Anya.

* * *

 

One particular information changed you. That one particular information made your world crash down.

You also made a stupid decision but you know it was the right one.

You want to convince yourself it was the right one. Or is it?

Your heart breaks into pieces but it wasn’t Clarke’s fault. It was yours. For letting yourself feel. For letting your walls be destroyed by a lost stranger.

Nevertheless, you went downstairs to have dinner with Clarke. You stopped to watch her singing and dancing while she prepares dinner.

She is happy with you. It shows.

But this isn’t real.

Exhaling a deep breath, you prepared yourself for the worst.

* * *

 

“What? What do you mean, Lexa?”

Clarke’s reaction was reasonable. She was shocked. It showed on her face and you want to scold yourself for saying something in the middle of dinner. You just can’t stop yourself.

“LEXA?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you speak again. “Someone is going to come for you tomorrow, Clarke.”

“Who?” She asked, her face bewildered.

“Your fiancé.” There, you said it. You looked at her and noticed her different expressions on her face. Shock. Confusion. Anger. Then back to shock again.

“I have a fiancé?” She asked.

“Apparently, yes. Your boyfriend Finn is coming tomorrow. It had been barely two months since your plane crashed and he didn’t give up on you. My team was able to locate your family and friends. They are looking for you, Clarke. They want you back.”

“Wait, your team?”

You nodded. “I asked my trusted advisor to look for information regarding what happened with you, Clarke. I did it months ago when you first came here.”

“You didn’t tell me?”

“I don’t want to get your hopes up.” You replied.

She sighed. “Wow. This is too much information to sink in.” She stood up and paced. “I don’t know him. I don’t know any of them.” Her hands were on the side of her head. You wanted to comfort and hugged her but you stopped yourself.

“Maybe if you saw him, everything will come back to you.” You told her softly.

“I don’t love him.” She glared at you but then she looked away. “I’m sorry. This is just too much to think about.”  
“Clarke.”

“I can’t be angry at you, Lexa. I am not. It’s just that I can’t go back there, you know. I can’t. I’m a stranger to my own life. How can I live that?”

You looked down. You don’t know what to say or do to make her feel better. Against all your better judgment, you stood up and wrapped her in a warm embrace. “I’m sorry.” You whispered softly.

She was crying and it was all your fault. “I just wish you could’ve told me sooner so I’ll be prepared. I just wish you that you let me regain my memories by my own.”

“I’m so sorry.” Your tears fell down too as you hugged her tightly.

“I don’t blame you for trying to find my family. It was the right thing to do.” She said after a while.

You nod wordlessly. It was the right thing to do yes but your heart says it’s wrong. You love Clarke. You want her to be yours.

But the fantasy is over. It’s time to go back to reality.

Clarke is not yours. She belongs to someone else.

* * *

 

You and Clarke didn’t sleep in the same room that night. You respected her when she asked to be left alone. You need time to think too. Clarke has a fiancé and it just means that she was in love with someone else.

Present Clarke might be yours but Past Clarke wasn’t.

You cried yourself to sleep that night.

Everyone leaves and Clarke isn’t an exception.

* * *

 

The helicopter landed and your breath was caught in your throat.

This is it. You’re going to meet Clarke’s fiancé.

You heard Clarke’s heavy breathing.

You prepared for the worst.

The door of the helicopter swings open. Anya emerged followed by Clarke’s fiancé. The guy saw Clarke and he ran towards her. He wrapped his arms around Clarke’s tightly that you wished you could’ve closed your eyes. But you didn’t. You need to witness everything so you could shut your heart down.

“Clarke! I’m so glad you’re okay! I have been looking all over for you.” The guy said, clearly happy.

“I’m sorry but I don’t have my memories back.” Clarke said.

“Oh. I’m so sorry. Ms. Forest told me about your memory loss. I just got so excited. I’m Finn and I’m your fiancé. You were in that plane going to Australia to marry me.”

Clarke looked at him and then she looked at you. “This is Lexa. She saved me.”

“Hello Finn.” You forced yourself to say.

Finn smiled at you. “Thank you for taking care of Clarke.”

You nodded.

The conversation was cut short because Anya came to your rescue. You are very grateful for her interruption.

 

* * *

 

“When do you leave?” You asked Clarke. She went to your room to probably say her goodbyes to you.

Finn and Clarke talked for an hour as he excitedly told Clarke stories about their past. He showed her pictures to probably convince Clarke of their relationship. You left them alone because you couldn’t take it anymore.

Tears fell down on her eyes and you wanted to wipe them away.

“I don’t want to leave.” She told you. “Please tell me to stay.” She said softly.

You were staring at each other. You tried so hard to be strong. You can’t show your weakness towards her.

“You know I can’t do that.” You replied.

“Why not?” She breathed. She walked towards you and your heart beats triple fast. You missed her badly. “I’m not in love with him. I’m in love with you, Lexa.”

You were taken aback by her words.

Clarke is in love with you.

Clarke is IN LOVE with you.

CLARKE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!

But you are a coward. You wished you are strong enough to tell her how you feel but you aren’t. You wished you are as honest as she is regarding feelings. You aren’t.

What if Clarke’s memory comes back? What if she realized that she isn’t in love with you anymore? What if she will just break your heart again?

“Lexa?”

You stared back at her.

“Tell me you love me too. I will not leave you.” She said firmly. “I’ll stay here with you Lexa.”

You thought about it. You thought about that statement a lot. You thought about this possible scene the whole night. You thought about telling Clarke you love her so she won’t leave.

But you decided already.

Clarke is not yours. She will never be yours.

So you turned around. You don’t want to see those hopeful eyes to be replaced by hurt.

“Lexa please…” She croaked.

You closed your eyes shut as you say the words that will haunt you for the rest of your miserable life, “I’m sorry, Clarke. I’m not.” A lone tear fell down against your cheek.

It was done.


	8. Clarke's Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All about Clarke and her past...

 It had been a week since you left Polis…

Since you left HER…

Your heart was breaking apart. The pain was excruciating…

It was like it’s getting harder for you to breathe…

It was like someone was squeezing your heart physically…

You are not prepared for this.

“Clarke?”

“Clarke?”

You blinked your eyes instantly. You were lost in your thoughts again. You mentally scold yourself. You can’t think about Lexa again. She doesn’t feel the same way. Get over it!

“I’m sorry…” You replied, lowering your head as you blinked the tears away.

“Are you okay?” Raven said. Raven and Octavia arrived in Melbourne five days ago. They hugged and cried in front of you. You don’t remember them but the beat of your heart seem to recognize them.

“I’m fine.” You replied.

Octavia narrowed her eyes at you. “You don’t seem fine to me.”

You looked away.

Octavia held your hand, “Clarke, you may have forgotten any memories you have of us but we know you. Something is bothering you. What really happened? You can tell us anything.”

You were contemplating if you’re going to tell them the truth or not. You’re not ready yet. They might be your friends but they seem like a stranger to you. Or atleast that’s what you felt. You don’t have your memories back.

“Not yet. I can’t, I’m sorry.” You choked back a sob.

Raven hugged you instantly. Octavia followed.

The hug felt nice. It felt like home.

* * *

 

Octavia and Raven filled you in about your past. You were a resident doctor in LA before you decide to move in Australia to live with your fiancé. Octavia and Raven are like your sisters. They are your friends who live with you in foster homes. The three of you were inseparable. When you all turned 18, you all left the system, worked hard and study hard to achieve your dreams and goals. The three of you are resident doctors in LA before you decide to leave the country and be with Finn.

It was obvious they didn’t like your fiancé because they probably feel that Finn was stealing you from them. Going across the world to leave your sisters behind to live with a guy is probably not the best idea you have come up with.

You asked them what made you fall for Finn? Their answers were quite short and simple. Finn is a nice guy. He is your safe zone.

One day you asked them about your sexuality and they both laughed.

Raven said, “Clarke, you’re gay.”

That made you spilled out your coffee.

“What?” You choked.

Octavia patted your back. “What Raven is trying to say is that, you are bisexual Clarke. We all are.”

Raven crossed her arms. “I’m not. I’m a lesbian.” She said.

Octavia rolled her eyes at her and then she faced you. “Are you okay, Clarke?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I was just… surprised.”

Raven laughed, she puts her arms on your shoulders. “Tell me, what do you think of that brunette girl?” She pointed towards the brunette girl sitting alone at the corner of the coffee shop.

The girl was pretty. “She’s hot.” You told her nonchalantly. But not as hot as Lexa. You mentally told yourself.

Raven clapped. “See? If you were a straight girl you would have probably said she’s okay, she’s fine. She looks nice and so on.” Then Raven looked at you. “But then, you told me that she’s HOT. That word is like the universal word for girls liking girls. HOT. That brunette is hot. You get my point, Clarke?”

You nodded. Then you remembered describing Lexa as HOT when you first saw her anyway. So it’s true. You are kinda gay. But why are you marrying Finn?

“Why am I marrying Finn?” You asked them.

Raven and Octavia exchanged a meaningful glance. There is something they wouldn’t want to tell you.

“What is it?” You urged them.

Octavia sighed. “Finn is a nice guy. He loves you. You love him but you’re not in love with him though.”

Your heart skipped a bit. Wait, what?

“I’m not in love with him?” You repeated.

Octavia nodded. “He is nice. He loves you. He wants to settle down and have a family. You both wanted that. So when he proposed, you accepted.”

“I don’t understand.” You shook your head. Why are you marrying Finn if you’re not in love with him?

Raven was quiet the whole time. Octavia was the one who continued to fill you in. “You were hurt badly by girls. So you swore to yourself you’re never going to give your heart to anyone ever again. Girls are complicated. Guys are easy. As I’ve said, Finn is your comfort zone. You like being in your comfort zone.”

Oh. You lowered your head.

That is one fucked up situation.

Because of your memory loss, you forgot your principle in life. You don’t want to fall in love again.

And you fell in love with a woman on the island. You let yourself fall for Lexa.

How can you marry Finn now?

You sighed. They both looked at you.

“I met a girl. She broke my heart.” You finally said.

* * *

 

It had been a week since you had that talk with your friends. It had been two weeks since you arrive in Australia. You already met Finn’s family and friends. They are already excited for your wedding. You haven’t really talked about that with Finn. He understands that you’re not yet ready to be with him because you haven’t had your memories yet. Finn Collins is truly a nice guy. But your heart says otherwise.

“I need to have my memories back.” You told your friends. For two weeks now, you are living in a hotel room with them.

Finn was kind enough to let you be with your friends. He was also gentleman enough not to make a move on you, which you’re really grateful for. You spend a lot of time with him though having dinner, coffee date or anything that involves what you both like in the past. But your heart wasn’t beating for him and you know exactly why.

Raven narrowed her eyes. “How can we do that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a trigger or something. Maybe because we are in Australia and I don’t have memories here. I can’t seem to remember anything.” You told her.

“What do you mean? You want to go back in LA? How about Finn?” Octavia asked.

You shrugged. “I have to have my memories back.” You repeated.

Raven stood up from her bed. “Ditch Finn. Let’s go back to LA.” She said.

“You know I can’t do that. He is a nice guy.” You told them.

“So, what do you want to do? Marry him without your memories or marry him with yours? You know what, it doesn’t really matter. With or without amnesia, you don’t love him.” Raven said in a firm tone. “You’re just dragging the inevitable. You can’t marry Finn because you’re in love with island girl!”

“RAVEN!” Octavia reprimanded her.

“What? It’s true.”

“That’s why I need my memories back… So I can marry Finn and forget about… about HER.” You replied. You haven’t really told them her name. You want to forget about her. You don’t want a constant reminder of her.

Raven exhaled a deep breath. She sat beside you and leaned towards you. “That is the problem, Clarke. You run away every single time. You ran away from your past and possible heartache, you settled for comfort. And now you’re repeating the same mistake. You can’t always do this to yourself. You will not achieve genuine happiness because of your actions.”

You bit your lip as you tried to control your tears. “It hurts, Raven. It hurts. I don’t want to feel this anymore. I thought we were okay. I thought she loved me. She didn’t. My heart is in pain. I want to forget her.”

Raven hugged you. “Then she was stupid enough not to love you, Clarke. It’s her lost.”

Your tears fell again.

That night, you cried yourself to sleep while Raven and Octavia held you tightly.

* * *

 

You were deep in your thoughts again. You don’t want to think about her but you can’t help yourself.

You missed her touch…

You missed her kiss…

You missed everything about her…

That last conversation. Those words. They haunted you for weeks now.

 

_“When do you leave?” She asked. Your heart clenched at her words. You were expecting her to stop you._

_Tears fell down from your eyes and you don’t have the strength to wipe them away._

_“I don’t want to leave.” You told her softly. “Please tell me to stay.” You stared at her straight into her eyes._

_“You know I can’t do that.” She replied and your heart clenched once again._

_“Why not?” You breathed. You walked towards her. You want to be close to her. You missed her touch, her kisses, everything about her. “I’m not in love with him. I’m in love with you, Lexa.” You honestly told her. This is the first time you said what you really feel. You want Lexa to know how in love you are with her. You want to choose her. It’s what your heart wants._

_She was silent. She didn’t say anything. She was just staring blankly at you._

_“Lexa?” You called her. You breathed again. “Tell me you love me too. I will not leave you.” You said firmly. “I’ll stay here with you Lexa.” You were breathing hard. You want her to take the risk. You want Lexa to take the fucking risk with you again!_

_Silence filled the entire room. She turned around. Your heart broke._

_“Lexa please…” You choke back a sob._

_“I’m sorry, Clarke. I’m not.”_

_You felt your heart broke into million pieces. Lexa is not in love with you. Tears fell down from your eyes. You put your fist on your chest. It’s getting harder for you to breathe. So you turned away, left the room and never look back._

 

“Clarke? Why are you crying?”

Finn’s voice woke you up from your Lexa-filled memories. Physically, you are with him but mentally and emotionally, you’re not. You were staring at the blue ocean in front of you. Finn decided to go to the beach because according to him, you seem to miss the ocean or probably the island.

You wiped your tears away immediately. “It’s nothing.”

“You haven’t really told me what happened on that island.” Finn said as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You said in a soft tone. “I just wish that I have my memories back.”

“I don’t want to rush you Clarke. Take all the time you need. I will always be here waiting for you.” He kissed your temple.

You wanted to cry. Finn is a nice guy. You can’t break his heart the way Lexa broke yours.

You decided that you will marry him as you promised before all of this happened.

* * *

  
Raven and Octavia didn’t take the news well.

“Are you fucking insane, Clarke? Did you hit your head again?” Raven was furious.

Octavia was pacing around the room. “This is going to be a disaster!”

“You can’t marry him, Clarke. Not without your memories! Why are you marrying him if you’re obviously in love with island girl?!”

You replied calmly, “She doesn’t love me, Raven. She is out of the picture.”

“Damn it! If you’re not concern about your happiness, then I am. We are! You can’t just marry a man your not in love with!”

You sighed. “I was about to marry him even though I’m not in love with him. There is a reason why I’m marrying Finn, Raven. And I can’t break his heart.”

“By breaking your own heart?”

You looked away. “My heart was already broken.”

“This is insane and you know it!” Raven raised his voice again.

“I can’t break his heart.” You insisted.

Octavia finally stopped pacing around and sat beside you. “You have to woman up, Clarke. You have to tell Finn you don’t love him. You’re already breaking his heart by lying to him.”

You looked down and tears fell down from your eyes. “Why is it so hard to love someone who loves you? Why is it so hard to forget someone who doesn’t love you? I’m tired, Octavia. I’m exhausted. I want to rest. I want to stop thinking and making difficult decisions like this.”

“Then don’t make decisions you aren’t capable of making. You are vulnerable, Clarke. You can’t choose Finn because he is the safe bet. You have to be honest with him and with yourself. We are not telling you to go run away with island girl whoever she may be. Screw her!” She gritted her teeth and then continued, “But we are telling you to focus on yourself. We are telling you to make the right decision at the right time. Obviously that’s not today or anytime soon.”

You nod your head and hugged Octavia. “Thank you.” You mumbled.

* * *

 

Three months had passed…

You already got your memories back. It turns out that you only need to go back in LA to bring back the memories you lost. LA was your home. It was the only place you need to trigger your memories.

Raven and Octavia were happy to have you back. You were lucky to have them as your sister-slash-friends. After only a few weeks, memories of your past came back to you. Your friends also accompanied you to go to places that they thought would help you bring back your memories.

And now you have your own memories back…

It’s time to face Finn…

Again, you are in a plane going back to Melbourne. This time, you are with Raven and Octavia.

The three of you will face your future.

No matter what happens, you made a decision and you’re going to keep it.

Lexa is your past.

It’s time to move forward.


	9. Lexa The Heiress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at Lexa's world... and her Heiress friends.

 

Three months had passed ever since Clarke left but your lie haunted you everyday. You don’t want to think about her anymore but you can’t help yourself. You stayed here because you thought that Clarke would come back for you after what you said to her. You are wrong.

You are in love with Clarke but you let her go. You tried to convince yourself that it was the right thing to do but you can’t. You wanted her to choose you but you know it’s now impossible. She wanted to choose you but you didn’t give her a damn chance to choose.

You told her that you weren’t in love with her but you are so damn crazy in love with her. You are a liar and you lied your way out of the complicated situation thinking it was the right thing to do.

You broke her heart.

You broke your own damn heart too!

This is your entire fault.

You are a coward. You didn’t take the risk. You are not worthy of her love.

You thought Polis is your safe haven from the cruel fate of your loved ones but now Polis is sucking the life out of you.

You are miserable. You cried yourself to sleep everyday.

So you decide that you NEED to leave this damn island so you could move on.

You HAVE to leave this island for you to forget the blue-eyed blonde stranger you fell in love with.

Hearing the distant sound of the helicopter, you carried your luggage; it’s time to go back to the real world.

* * *

 

“So you’re back.” These are the first words your father uttered when he went to see you in your office. Your father usually stays in your headquarter company in Europe while you manage the one in New York.

You lifted your eyes so you could greet your father properly. “Good morning father.” You said in a formal tone. Your relationship with your father was already stained.

He walked towards your table and sat on one of the chairs. “How was your vacation?” He asked, probably trying to lighten the situation.

You sighed. “It was okay.”

“Alexandria,” He said softly, his eyes were sad too. You looked away. It had been seven years but it was obvious that both of you haven’t really live your life after your mother passed away. You are angry at him for not taking time off to spend time with your mother. You hate him for it. “You can’t always shut everyone out.” He continued, “You can’t always run away. Your mother wouldn’t want you to do that with your life. Even Costia.”

You clenched your jaw. He doesn’t know what happened to you on the island. You finally moved on, you finally wanted to start living again but then it didn’t last. Your heart was broken because you let your walls down. It was stupid of you to let your walls down.

“Father, I don’t have time for this. I have a meeting.” You stood up.

Your father nods. You turned around so you wouldn’t see him leaving.

But then he surprised you when he turned you around and hugged you tightly. “I’m sorry my Lexa. I haven’t been a good father to you.”

Your walls were down ever since Clarke came into your life. Because of that, your tears fell down and you sobbed. Your dad must have noticed that, he caressed your hair and whispered words you haven’t heard from him since you were a kid. “Daddy’s here, Lex. You are not alone. I’m here…”

* * *

 

If you thought that you would forget her by leaving Polis, you are wrong. Every time your eyes caught to that of similar blonde hair as Clarke, you stopped your tracks. You can’t get your mind off her. And living in New York is not a good option for you after all.

For the past month since you arrived in New York, you tried to live your life again. Known for being the Evasive Heiress (which the media and Forbes magazine dubbed you) you are living their expectations. You are being evasive to media as always, even to your fellow heiress friends. Your heart is broken again and you do what your best at, shutting everyone out.

“Ms. Woods, Ms. Fields is on the line.” Your assistant’s voice cut you from your reverie.

You sighed. “Get her through.” You told her.

“Lexa.” The voice of Emily Fields, one of your friends, surprised you. You haven’t really talked with Emily for the longest time. She was different when it comes to coping loss. Very different from you.

Emily Fields is the daughter of the General of the US Army. She is dubbed by the media as the second Playgirl Heiress. The first one is Sara Lance.

“Hey Emily.” You greeted.

“Haven’t really talked to you for the longest time, Lexa.” She said rather sarcastically. You do know that they were hurt when you shut everyone out.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.” You said in a soft voice. Her father died three years ago. You were still a mess back then.

“I understand. You were still coping for your loss.” She said.

“How are you?” You asked as you tried to change the topic.

“I’m okay. I have a business offer. Can we meet? I heard you are in New York.”

“Yes. I am.”

“Welcome back.” She said in a cheery voice. “Welcome back to the real world.”

You laughed. “I know.”

It felt so good to hear from your friends once in a while. “I miss this.” You said before it’s too late to stop yourself. You are not very good with words. You don’t open up easily.

Emily laughed. “Me too. I miss you, Lexa. We all miss you. You weren’t there when Forbes did an interview and photo shoot.”

You rolled your eyes, “I don’t really like those stuff. Not my cup of tea. That’s why I was being called the evasive one.”

Emily laughed. “Ha! But you read it.”

You were caught. “It was just a small article. They didn’t even showed my picture. Anya showed it to me.”

“Because you weren’t there. Anyway, that is what I want to talk about. I bought Forbes. I want to feature you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “That is a business offer? You want to feature me?” You laughed. “I think that is a huge favor, not a business offer, Em.”

Emily laughed. “Not necessarily. Look, can we meet in person? I will fill you in with the details.”

You nodded. “Okay. I’ll be free tomorrow at 7 PM. Let’s see what you got.” You told her that made her laugh.

Ending the call, you sighed. Maybe you need this; maybe you need your friends again to cope up with this recent heartbreak.

* * *

 

You and Emily met for a business dinner meeting. She filled you in with the details. She wanted to feature you and your company. As the heiress of a worldwide steel company, the magazine offers a very good advertisement for you. Forbes is a global business magazine. It will be an honor to be featured.

For a month, you became busy with stuff that has to do with the magazine. Adena El-Amin, another friend of yours is the assigned photographer. It was a huge risk and decision for you to take this offer because you like your privacy a lot. But this kind of opportunity cannot be passed. You are thinking with your head as a businesswoman, not with your heart. Emily is a friend of yours. You are her first featured article ever since she bought the company.

The evasive Alexandria Woods is out in the open. Thanks to Emily Fields.

* * *

 

After the article about you was published, you tried to live your life again. After all the glamour that you received and the praises that you got from your father, your life wasn’t whole. And you know exactly the reason why.

You even dreamt of her last night. She was wearing a very beautiful wedding dress. You were at the altar waiting for her. She was smiling at you. Her eyes sparkled; she was the most beautiful bride you have seen in your entire life.

You were happy. You were in love.

But then, in a flash, you were transported at the back. You watched her marry Finn, her fiancé. You watched them exchange their vows. You watched them sealed their marriage with a kiss.

It broke your heart again into million pieces.

You woke up crying and it felt like someone was stabbing your heart.

It was the worst nightmare you ever had for 5 months since you last saw Clarke. Even though you don’t have any news about her, you’re absolutely sure that she was married by now.

You wanted to look for her ever since you got back in New York but you stopped yourself. You wanted to hire a private investigator but you controlled yourself. You don’t want to suffer another heartache by confirming her wedding with her fiancé. So you didn’t do anything. Having that particular dream coming true in real life is the worst feeling you ever felt.

* * *

 

Ever since that dream, it was getting hard for you to sleep. You don’t want a repeat of Clarke and Finn’s wedding. So you exhausted yourself from work and meetings.

Your office in Seattle called for a meeting so you went there immediately without so much sleep.

It was a rainy night in Seattle as always. As soon as you finished your meeting with your executives, you were on a rush to go back to the airport. You have an early meeting in LA tomorrow so there’s no time for you to stay in Seattle.

It was raining heavy when you felt your eyes drooped for a second as you drive to the airport.

* * *

 

Your body aches all over. You tried to open your eyes but it’s getting hard for you. The side of your cheek and side lip hurt like hell. You groaned.

“Oh my god!”

You know the sound of that voice. You are familiar with that voice. You tried to open your eyes again and you were met with green eyes with a worried look on her face.

“Lexa! What happened?”

You tried to speak. “Lena…” Your voice was hoarse. “It had been a while.” You said.

“It had been a while alright.” Her Irish accent is thick. You missed your friends. “What happened to you?”

You realized you are in an emergency room.

“I’m okay.” You tried to stand up but another voice commanded you to stand down.

“Stop moving, Woods.” The curtain moved and Dr. Alex Danvers appeared in front of you.

“What happened?” You asked as you closed your eyes. It hurts all over. “It hurts.” You murmured.

“You met an accident. It was raining heavy outside and your car hit a pole. I called Lena immediately. Why didn’t you tell us you were here in Seattle?” Alex asked.

“I was on a rush to go to the airport. I have a meeting in LA tomorrow.” You explained. “Why is my lip hurts like hell?”

“You need stitches. I’m going to call the best Plastic Surgery Resident to take care of that. The Attending Physician is in the surgery room right now.” Alex said.

“Wait, a resident? We can wait for the attending, Alex. We don’t want that pretty face to be marked.” Lena said, obviously concerned with your face.

“It’s okay.” You said.

“Dr. Griffin is the best resident here in Grey-Sloan. Don’t worry, Lena. She will make sure that Lexa’s face is unscarred.”

You nod your head. “Okay. We need to do this as soon as possible. I have a meeting tomorrow.”

Alex smirked. “As your doctor, I would recommend you to sleep and stay here for a while. Your body was exhausted. You need rest, Woods.”

You sighed. “Doctors know best.”

“Right.” She smiled. “I’ll just call Dr. Griffin. Lena, stay with her for a while.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave her.” Lena replied.

As soon as Alex left, you turn to Lena. “Glad to see that you and Alex are still okay.”

Lena laughed. She knew what you meant exactly. “Alex and I are okay. We were young. We were immature. We had our experiments in college. We broke up and we are okay.”

“And you’re still in love with her sister.” You added.

Lena’s eyes went wide. “Shhh!” She looked around to see if Alex was there, she wasn’t.

You laughed.

She rolled her eyes. “You know for a friend who ghosted us for several years, you sure know our secrets and you are still nosy as hell.”

You laughed again but then your face hurts like hell. “Ouch! Damn! It hurts!”

She snickered. “Serves you right.”

Sometimes being with friends makes you normal. Lena was your classmate in an all girls private school. She knew all about Costia and you knew all about Lena and Alex and her younger sister Kara. And seeing Lena getting all worked up when talking about Kara makes you smile. Lena is definitely in love with Kara since forever but she can’t make a move because of Alex.

“So, what happened to you? It had been a while since we last saw you like this. Glad to see you out of your island.” Lena asked, obviously changing the topic.

Lena is your closest friend out of all your friends. You felt guilty ghosting on her but you are just glad she understood you. She still cares about you. You were just not very good in coping loss. You chose to be alone rather than asking for their support.

You exhaled a deep breath. “I met someone.” It was the first time you told someone about her.

“Who is she? Where did you meet her?”

“She was uhm… she was stranded on my island.”

“Wow. Only you, Lexa, could find love in your own island.” She said, smiling.

“It’s more complicated than that.” You looked away. “She had a memory loss. And we found out she was engaged to be married.”

“Oh.” Lena’s smile dropped.

“What happened then?”

You sighed. “I broke her heart. I told her to go. I didn’t give her a chance to choose. To choose me.”

“Oh, Lexa…” She sat on the bed, leaned down so she could give you a hug.

The curtain opened. “Hello Ms. Woods. I’m Dr. Cla--- Oh I’m so sorry.”

Lena immediately stood up. “Oh. That’s fine we were just…”

“CLARKE?” Your eyes were wide.

Blue eyes met yours.

It feels like the world stopped.

Clarke’s eyes were glued onto yours for a second. You were staring at each other with a surprised look on both of your faces.

It was Clarke who looked away first. “Hi, I’m Dr. Clarke Griffin. Dr. Danvers told me to take care of your stitches.” She said in a formal tone and you wonder if she recognized you. You must have damaged your face badly because it looks like she didn’t even know you.

“Lexa, I’m just going to get myself a cup of coffee. Dr. Griffin, if you’ll excuse me.” Lena said before walking away.

Clarke nodded and then she turned away. You were left wondering if she really forgot about you. Does she have her memories now? What happened? Why is she here? Is Griffin her last name or Finn’s? It’s probably Finn’s. Finn Griffin, gross though.

She turned around and settled herself in front of you. “I’ll be doing stitches on your cheek and lips. This might hurt okay?”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “How are you?” You asked. She was about to put antiseptic on your cheek but you can’t help yourself to ask. “Do you recognize me?”

You saw Clarke swallowed hard. She stared back at you.

God, you missed her smile. You missed her face. You missed the mole right above her lips. You missed her so damn much!

But this Clarke wasn’t smiling at you. She was way too serious to be your Clarke.

“Of course, Lexa. I know you.” Her words were filled with sarcasm.

You tried to calm yourself as you asked the inevitable. “Have you recovered from your memory loss?” You asked her.

She nods. “Yes.”

You nodded and looked away. “Congratulations on your wedding then.”

There was silence.

You tried to calm yourself down. Your heart was breaking apart again. You can’t blame her. You had your chance but you screwed it up. Not that it matters now. Clarke had her memory back. She remembered how in love she was with Finn. It’s still your loss either way.

Clarke started to treat the cuts on your face and lips. You looked away. You wanted to leave before you do anything stupid to a married woman.

For a few minutes, she treated you silently. You were avoiding looking at her while her face is inches with yours. You could actually hear her breathing. You could actually smell her familiar scent. It was torture on your part.

“There. You’re all done.” She moved away and stood up. She removed her gloves and turned away to threw them in the trash.

“Thank you.” You softly said.

You heard her sigh. She turned around and said, “There was no wedding.”

You turned to look at her. “What?”

“Not that it matters for you, Lexa. You seem to have move on with a beautiful sophisticated woman.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What? Who?” You asked dumbly. What is she talking about?

“Don’t play dumb. I saw you earlier. I should have known. I’m just one of the many girls who were charmed by you. And one of the many girls who must have fallen in love with you and ended up broken hearted.” Her eyes were angry. You were speechless.

“Clarke, you’re wrong.” You wanted to stand up to stop her from leaving but you can’t. You have bruises all over your body. “Clarke, wait.”

“Goodbye Lexa.”

“Clarke! Clarke wait! Let me explain!”

Shit! You were trying so hard to stand up so you could catch Clarke before she leaves again but you were too weak.

“Lexa! What are you doing?” Lena helped you to sit back up again.

“It’s Clarke. The girl on the island. I need to talk to her. Please call her back.” You were begging Lena. You need to talk to Clarke.

You need to see her again.

Clarke never got married.

And by the looks of it, she is still in love with you.

You have to do something fast.


	10. Clarke's Frozen Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's POV

 

The look on Finn’s heartbroken face hurt you the most. You don’t want to hurt anyone. You didn’t plan on it. You made a promise to Finn that you would marry him but circumstances have change. Something has changed. You can’t run away from your problems anymore. You can’t love Finn because you are already in love with someone else.

You were willing to marry him before the accident happened because before there was no one. You thought that you could love him in time or you could be happy with him.

But it’s impossible now. Your heart was awake again. Your stupid foolish heart is in love with another woman again. A woman who broke your heart and tear it into million pieces.

That’s why you can’t marry Finn. You can’t lie to him anymore. The accident changed you. The accident made your frozen heart vulnerable to love again. Finn is a nice guy and he deserved to know the truth. You were willing to settle down before with him but you couldn’t now. Finn deserved someone better. And that someone is definitely not you.

Finn cried in front of you. But he understood. He told you that he knew it all along; he knew that your heart wasn’t in it. But he thought that he could open your heart for him. He was supposed to give you the world. He was supposed to love you with all his heart and soul. He was supposed to make you fall in love with him. But he failed.

You failed him.

* * *

 

When you came back to California with Raven and Octavia, you decided to take the residency program in Seattle with them. You need a new life. You need a fresh start.

You were broken hearted and if you were being honest with yourself, you miss her so much. You wanted to see her. You wanted to go back in the island but what for? Lexa is not in love with you. She was very clear with that.

Besides, love is weakness. It made you weak again. Now that you have your memories back and being in love with Lexa are both at the same page. You are torn. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t fall in love again. You promised to yourself that neither man nor woman is going to wormed itself into your frozen heart.

Clarke Griffin is back. Your heart is frozen solid again.

You have Octavia and Raven by your side. No one else matters.

* * *

 

“Dr. Griffin, I need your help with something.”

You turned around to face Dr. Alex Danvers. “Yes Dr. Danvers?”

She walked towards you. “I need you to take care of a VIP patient.”

“Sure. What happened?” You asked.

Dr. Danvers filled you in the details about Ms. Woods’ accident. She wanted you to take extra care of the wounds and bruises on her face. She is a VIP patient and because you’re going for a Plastic Surgeon Residency Program and for Dr. Danvers, you are the best doctor for the job then it was an honor to be chosen. Your heart soared with pride.

Excitedly, you went to gather your needed supplies. Dr. Avery, the attending Plastic Surgeon, would be proud of you.

You went directly to Bed 3 and opened the curtain. “Hello Ms. Woods. I’m Dr. Cla---“ You stopped on your tracks because you just witnessed a private encounter between two women. It was embarrassing “Oh I’m so sorry.” You were about to turn away when…

“CLARKE?”

You recognized that voice.

Green eyes met yours.

Oh my god!

The world stopped. You were mesmerized because in front of you were no other than Lexa, the woman who broke your heart months ago.

You were staring at each other with a surprised look on both of your faces.

Are you dreaming? Is this real? Lexa is in Polis. What is she doing here then? With another woman no less. Anger surged within you.

It was you who looked away first. “Hi, I’m Dr. Clarke Griffin. Dr. Danvers told me to take care of your stitches.” You said in a formal tone.

“Lexa, I’m just going to get myself a cup of coffee. Dr. Griffin, if you’ll excuse me.” The other woman said before walking away.

You nodded and turned away as you gather all your supplies. Your heart was beating erratically. You tried to ignore it. Lexa is here with another woman. You tried to shut your heart out. You are a master of shutting down your heart. You can do this. You turned to face Lexa again, “I’ll be doing stitches on your cheek and lips. This might hurt okay?”

You sat down on the bed so you could reach her face. You were about to put antiseptic on her left cheek but then she spoke, making you stop what you were doing. Her angelic voice is making your insides crazy and your heart beats faster than it should. It’s annoying.

“How are you?” Lexa asked. “Do you recognize me?”

You swallowed hard and then your eyes went straight towards hers. You didn’t smile. She broke your heart and you were stupid enough to fall for that charm. You were stupid enough to let her break your walls.

“Of course, Lexa. I know you.” You answered with a bite.

“Have you recovered from your memory loss?” She asked you again.

“Yes.”

Lexa looked away and said, “Congratulations on your wedding then.”

You didn’t answer. You don’t want to. She doesn’t have the right to know that you didn’t marry Finn.

You continued doing your job carefully. Your eyes were glued on her lips. Lexa’s face was filled with bruises and wounds but that didn’t stop you from admiring her beautiful face. Dr. Danvers told you about the accident. You wanted to ask her what really happened but you stopped yourself.

Lexa has a girlfriend now, the beautiful sophisticated woman from earlier. It’s no wonder that Lexa wasn’t feeling the same way. You can’t compete with that gorgeous woman.

You continued to treat her cuts and stitched it carefully. She wasn’t looking at you probably she was feeling guilty because she broke your heart. You treated her quietly. You were so close with her that it was a torture being this close but you cannot hold her.

Thankfully, it was done. “There. You’re all done.” You said as you moved away and stood up. You removed your gloves and turned away to threw them in the trash.

“Thank you.” She said.

You sighed. You don’t want to tell her but you couldn’t stop yourself. You turned around and said, “There was no wedding.”

She turned to look at you, shock evident on her face. “What?”

You gritted your teeth. “Not that it matters for you, Lexa. You seem to have move on with a beautiful sophisticated woman.”

She furrowed your eyebrows. “What? Who?” She asked, confused.

“Don’t play dumb. I saw you earlier. I should have known. I’m just one of the many girls who were charmed by you. And one of the many girls who must have fallen in love with you and ended up broken hearted.” Your eyes were blazing. Again, you let your emotions clouded your senses. You can’t be here. You don’t want to see her. You can’t bear to see her with another woman on her arms.

“Clarke, you’re wrong. Clarke, wait.”

“Goodbye Lexa.” You left her.

* * *

 

Your heart was in pain. Seeing Lexa with another woman was so painful that you can’t help but run away.

You went straight to the doctor’s lounge. You exhaled a deep breath before you turned the knob. Raven and Octavia were both there.

“Hey Clarke.” Raven and Octavia acknowledged your presence.

“Hey.” You responded.

“Are you okay?” Octavia must have sensed that something was wrong.

Walking towards them, you sighed. “I’m fine. It’s just that…” Your eyes were glued at the magazine Raven was looking at. Your eyes were wide as soon as you recognized the woman in the picture.

“Who is that?” You asked dumbly.

“Oh this? This is Lexa Woods. She’s one of the Billionaire Heiress. She is super hot, isn’t she? Damn!” Raven exclaimed, oblivious of the turmoil you are experiencing at the moment.

Once again, it was Octavia who noticed you. “Clarke, are you okay? You look pale.”

You stared back at Octavia as you mumbled, “She’s island girl.”

“WHAT?”

“HELL NO!”

Both of them exclaimed. You nod your head and looked away.

“Wow!” Raven shook her head. “How did that happened?”

“I actually don’t know. She didn’t tell me how insanely rich she was. She didn’t tell me anything about herself.” You told them. It broke your heart again that she didn’t trust you with that particular information. You already suspected that she’s rich but not a billionaire heiress.

“Oh, Clarke.” Octavia went onto your side.

“She’s here. She is with another woman.” Now that she thought of it, the woman looks like a billionaire CEO too.

“That bitch!” Raven swore. “I know she’s hot but I won’t let her hurt you again.”

“It’s fine Rae. I’m not going to see her again.”

The door opened; Dr. Danvers and the sophisticated woman together with Lexa on a wheelchair entered the lounge.

“Clarke.” Lexa’s voice was pleading.

Raven and Octavia stood up in front of you as they shield you from Lexa.

“Let me explain please.” It was Lexa again.

You stood up. There’s no need to delay the inevitable. “It’s okay Rae, O. I can handle myself.” You whispered to them.

The sophisticated woman was looking at you. You stared at her defiantly. And then she gave you a warm smile. Her hand settled on Lexa’s shoulder. And then she walked towards you and introduced herself, “Hi Clarke. I’m Lena Luthor, a friend of Lexa. It’s nice to meet you.”

You blinked. She extended her hand and you accepted her firm handshake.

“Clarke, can I talk to you?” Lexa asked, her voice seems nervous.

You looked at her and nod your head. “Okay.”

After a few seconds, you were left alone with Lexa. You sighed deeply and prepared for another heartbreaking speech from the woman you are currently in love with.

* * *

“This is not what I imagined meeting you again.” Lexa started. Her face was bruised and she looked uncomfortable on her wheelchair.

You stood up. “Do you want to sit on the couch?” You offered.

She smiled, “Yes please.” She tried to stand up but it was obvious that she feels weak so you guided her. When she held your hand, your heart almost stopped. You tried to ignore the irregular beating of your heart.

Lexa settled comfortably on the couch. You sat beside her but not without putting a considerate amount of distance from her.

“Clarke…”

You looked at her.

She took a deep breath. “I miss you.”

You shook your head. “You don’t get to say that, Lexa.” You replied calmly.

“I know I broke your heart but you have to understand that I was…”

You cut her off. “That you are a billionaire heiress? And I’m not worthy?”

Lexa’s face was mixed with surprise and shock. “That’s not what I was…”

You showed her the magazine.

“You didn’t tell me anything about you. Come to think of it, we’re just the same. I actually don’t know you, Lexa Woods. I don’t know who you really are.” You said angrily.

You are thinking irrationally. You are angry with her but mostly to yourself because you fell for her. You are trying so hard to forget about her. You don’t want to open your heart with anyone. You are done with that. But Lexa Woods wormed herself into your heart when it was unguarded. And now, you are suffering the consequences of that. Your heart is open now. Flood of emotions are coming your way. You don’t like this feeling. You want to forget.

“Clarke. I am me. Everything that I’ve told you about me was the truth. And I’m not the one to brag. I don’t see why I need to tell you I’m a billionaire when there’s no opportunity to tell you because we are happy together. We have our own sanctuary. I am happy with you, Clarke.”

You rolled your eyes. She broke your heart but now she was telling you that you made her happy? What is she saying?

You shook your head. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to say that to me. You broke my heart, Lexa! I was in love with you and you broke my fucking heart!”

“I love you.”

You stopped and looked at her. “What?”

“I’m in love with you, Clarke.”

Your jaw tightened. “No.” You shook your head.

“I… I was protecting my own heart.” Lexa’s tears started to fall down. “And by protecting my own heart, I ended up breaking your heart.” She was staring at you so intensely. “You were mine, yes. But you were suffering a memory loss and you have a fiancé, Clarke. What am I supposed to do? If I told you to stay and then your memories come back, your feelings for your fiancé will come back too. And that will leave me broken and alone. You see, I was protecting my own heart from a possible heartache. And I suffered a lot with that decision. So seeing you now, looking at you, knowing that you cancelled your own wedding; I may have given a second chance and I will never ever let you go. Because I’m so in love with you, Clarke.”

You stared at her. Her confession went straight to the deepest part of your heart. The place wherein you swore to yourself, you will never let it out again. Hearing Lexa’s confession was nerve wrecking.

The ball is in your court now. It’s up to you to decide if you will accept her or not. If you will let yourself fall for someone again or you would rather choose to be alone wherein no one could ever hurt you.

Feelings are complicated. Love is weakness.

You swore to yourself never to fall in love again.

And your keeping that promise.

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head and before tears spill down from your eyes, you ran and left.

* * *

 

Two days.

You were alone in your room for two days.

After that conversation with Lexa two days ago, you told your friends you want to drink. Octavia and Raven bought alcohol and you spent the whole night drinking with them.

You wanted to forget.

You wanted to forget the look on her face when you broke her heart.

History repeats itself but it’s the other way around now.

You broke Lexa’s heart even after that confession. You broke your own heart to protect yourself from heartache. You don’t even know if you’re making sense now. It’s just that you were afraid. You don’t want to feel like this anymore.

You wanted a fresh start. You are recovering from a broken heart. Your friends are with you. You have them and that is supposedly enough.

But Lexa… Lexa ruined everything you’re preparing yourself for.

She is in love with you and why can’t you just accept her?

Because you are a coward. That’s what you are.

Now that you remember who you really are, you are much more guarded. Your walls are up. You don’t want to fall for someone. You had a lot of heartaches in the past that could last you a lifetime. You don’t want them to hurt you again. That’s why it’s so easy with Finn. But then you ended up breaking the heart of the nicest guy that could take care of you. You don’t deserve to be happy. And happiness is already overrated.

“Clarke!”

“Clarke!”

You heard Raven and Octavia’s muffled voices.

“WHAT?” You replied.

Your eyes were already bulging from crying too much. You haven’t even showered yet. You are so depressed and you spent two days contemplating to yourself whether you made the right decision or not. You were giving yourself reasons on why you were doing it. On why you would rather protect your own heart than give it to someone else.

“What the fuck, Clarke! Open the door!” Raven’s voice was angry. “Find the damn keys, O.”

In a matter of seconds, Raven and Octavia entered your room using a spare key.

“I’m broken.” You murmured as soon as you saw them.

Raven and Octavia joined you on your bed. They both sandwiched you.

You cried. “I’m broken.” You repeated. “I’m broken again.”

Octavia hugged you tightly and kissed your temple. “You’re not. You’re just scared, Clarke.”

“I broke her heart.”

“If she loves you, she will make an effort.” Raven said. “You’re both available now. Love will find a way, Clarke.”

“But I don’t want to be in love anymore.”

“That’s not up for you to decide, Clarke. Feelings happened. You fell for her. She was the reason you called off your engagement with Finn. And there’s a reason you met each other again under different circumstances.” Octavia said.

“I’m scared.” You sobbed.

“We know.” Raven and Octavia replied. They both hugged you tightly.

“What if I gave my heart and then she ended up breaking it again? You’ve seen her right? She is gorgeous. I can’t compete with other girls. I don’t want to compete with anyone. Heiress Lexa Woods is a heartbreak waiting to happen.”

Octavia and Raven didn’t say anything. They know you’re right.

* * *

 

“Clarke.”

You turned around. You were in the parking lot on your way to your car, “Lexa, what are you doing here?”

“I just want to see you.” Lexa said. It had been a week since you last saw her. Her bruises are healing.

“Lexa…” You sighed.

“I know… I know that you probably don’t want to see me anymore. But I can’t stop thinking about you Clarke.” She said. “I told you I would never let you go.”

“I c-can’t…”

She cuts you off. “One date. Please. Give me a chance. I want to know the real Clarke so you get to know the real me too.”

You were staring at each other. Lexa’s eyes are mesmerizing.

Before you could say anything, she beats you up to it.

“Take the risk with me, Clarke.”

You exhaled a deep breath and nodded, “Okay.” You remembered all the conversation you had in Polis regarding taking the risk with each other. Lexa took the risk when you asked her to. Now it’s your time to take the risk.

Lexa smiled at you and god, you missed her so damn much!

* * *

 

Dating Lexa Woods is extraordinary. She picked you up in a limousine and brought you to a fancy restaurant. She gave you bouquet of roses and she even bought you a dress suitable for the date.

You are not used to this kind of lifestyle though. Especially if there are flashes of camera from every corner of the restaurant.

“Clarke, are you okay? Is there something wrong?” Lexa asked, clearly worried.

“Nothing.” You told her.

“You can tell me. Don’t you like it here?” She asked.

“Any woman you brought here, they all could’ve like this. This is a very fancy restaurant. I am honored.”

“But?”

“It’s not my style.” You lowered your head down. You know she made a lot of effort for this date but you are just clearly uncomfortable with all the stares coming your way.

You looked up and then she smiled at you. “I’m uncomfortable too. I just want to impress you. My friend Sara gave me tips on how to impress a girl and it was stupid of me to follow her. If I’m going to stick with my first plan, I would just cook dinner for you then we watch movies together on the couch with ice cream on hand.”

You smiled. “That would be nice.”

She grinned. “Let’s go then?”

“Okay, Woods.” You replied and then you both laughed. You stupid heart beats triple fast. Lexa Woods’ smile is really to die for.

* * *

 

True to her word, Lexa brought you to her penthouse apartment here in Seattle. She ordered Chinese take out for dinner and then after that, you watched movies together while you eat your favorite ice cream.

It feels home.

You were watching Friend Request with her and you can’t help but notice the resemblance she had with the lead star, Laura Woodson.

“You look like her.” You commented.

“I’m flattered.” She replied.

“She should be the one flattered that a Billionaire Heiress look exactly alike with her.” You told her.

“Huh, is that your way of flirting with me, Griffin?” She smirked.

You rolled your eyes. “You wish!”

Lexa laughed.

You continued watching but then you felt her getting near. “Clarke.”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

You nodded. “What is it?” You heart is pounding hard. Lexa is too close.

“What happened to you? What’s your story?” She asked sincerely. You know what she was asking about. Why are your walls so high? Lexa deserved to know the truth.

You sighed and bit your lip. Now that you have your memories back, you have a story to tell. “I was heartbroken for a lot of times. I fell in love with girls and they ended up breaking my heart. I swore to myself I would never fall in love with a girl ever again. I started dating guys. Each one of them doesn’t have the capacity to make me fall. So I told myself maybe it’s for the better. My heart is protected from any possible heartache. Then I met Finn, he is the nicest guy of them all. When I met him, I was truly healed from my last relationship so I was ready to settle down. We have the same likes. We both wanted to have a family. I may not be in love with him but I love him because he loves me and he was so nice to me. So when he proposed, I said yes. Finn was my safety net. But loving someone is different from being ‘in love’. And then you knew the rest of the story.”

“And then you met me.”

“And then I met you. My heart was vulnerable and unprotected. I fell in love with you.” You told her. You stared deeply into her eyes. “But you broke my heart.”

Lexa lowered her head down.

“But that’s okay because I understand what you did. You were just protecting your heart too.” You added.

“My mother and Costia left me. I am scared of being left out again. My walls are up too. You just managed to break it down.” Lexa said softly. Her eyes went straight back at you. You felt the intensity on them.

It was your turn to look away. The conversation was getting intense. Your heart is pounding so hard. You stood up but then Lexa followed. She stood up too and then she was in front of you.

“Clarke… I am in love with you and I won’t break your heart, I promise.” She whispered softly. Her breath is fanning your face. She was too close.

“Every single one of them said that to me.” You responded. “They ended up breaking my heart into pieces.”

“I won’t.” She said firmly. You tried to look away but she held your chin. She wanted you to look at her. “I won’t.” She repeated. “We are both guarded. We want to protect our own heart but what we didn’t know is that we can protect both of our hearts by being together. I love you Clarke. And I can’t lose you anymore.”

She stared at your lips. Your eyes drifted on her plump lips. Your heart is aching beautifully. “Surely there are lots of girls vying for your affections, Lexa. Why me? I’m just ordinary.”

Lexa smiled warmly. “Because they are not you, Clarke.”

You bit your lip. “Lexa, I’m scared.”

“I’m scared too.” She replied softly while looking at your lips.

“My heart… it’s…”

“I will protect your heart, Clarke, if you protect mine. I love you.” Lexa started to lean down.

You closed your eyes as you wait for her lips to press against yours.

Sparks flew.

The electricity ran through your veins.

Lexa’s lips were soft against yours. She kissed you with so much gentleness that you wanted to cry because it feels like your heart is opening up with that simple kiss.

The kiss is melting your frozen heart.

It feels like your floating as she nips on your bottom lip. You opened your mouth and Lexa didn’t waste any time as she deepen the kiss with her tongue. Her hands encircled your hips and your hands automatically went at the back of her neck.

The kiss turned passionate. There is no turning back as she swooped you into her arms.

“Lexa.” You breathed.

She looked at you. “We could stop. Just tell me.” She was breathing hard too.

You wet your lips. “I love you too.”

Lexa smiled. Her eyes lit up. “Can I call you my girlfriend now?” She asked excitedly.

“Whatever you want.” You smiled at her and kissed her nose.

“Oh Clarke! I love you so much.” She peppered your face with kisses as she carried you towards her bedroom.

In a matter of seconds, clothes were thrown off.

You spent the whole night loving Lexa and be loved in return.

It was the happiest moment of your life. Having sex with feelings is so much better than plain lust. You will treasure this moment forever. It was the moment you finally let yourself feel again.

You thought that it wasn’t possible but someone managed to break your walls…

Someone managed to open your heart up again…

Someone made you believe in love again…

And that someone is no other than the Billionaire Heiress Lexa Woods…


End file.
